but this is me right now 4/9/06 my mind is swimming. there’s thoughts. there’s needs. there’s wants. it’s dim out. it’s night. i’m full of stuff just gutted in my belly. i’m not anyone to appreciate. i’m not sure what i feel about someone really caring a lot about me. maybe i’m so obsessed because i constantly doubt that he likes me as a friend. that he likes me as a person. there’s all these people that tell me how much i mean to them and my care begins this slow decent towards indifference. i doubt this is human nature. i feel it’s just a fucked up thing some people do. i’m part of that “some people.” i’m part of that fucked up society where everyone wants what they cant have. where everyone needs what can’t be given to them, ever. it’s been over for me. it’s been over for me for a long time and i have seen it. it’s been in my face. it’s been there and i’ve known. how many times have i told myself that it’s not about giving up? it’s about letting things be how they have fallen into place. i’m heartbroken. i’m hurting. i’m more selfish than you. there are no “buts” to this. there’s just me.