alright, so this isn't necessarily bliss. to tell the shitty truth this might just be a normal thing. an everyday thing. lesser than an everyday thing. i want somone to know that i dont want it to be. i want someone, anyone, any soul to know that for once i'd like this to be a "special". not just anyone could have this relationship..? i rolled over and rubbed my eyes, scratching out the guck and turning onto my stomach, my head twisted to the right. i remember watching her press her cheek up to the cold glass. i remember knowing she wanted to get out. she wanted to leave her life, leave us, just for a moment. do you believe in soulmates? i'm staring at the gray wall that reflects a sort of dull glare and it doesnt make me sad, but makes me feel slightly normal. do you believe in soulmates? maybe. if someone were to ask me why i write i would tell them i write so i dont do something worse. i write so i dont cry myself to sleep when i feel like shit. i write so maybe one day i could read this and pretend i was alway ok. maybe laugh at my slight insanity. you see, this is me beating myself up again. this is me sober for two weeks and back again. i get my fix then there's a small threat to never get it again. then my stomach does this sort of sinking lost feeling. it's probably the worst emotional feeling i've ever experienced. and it all has to do with a damn human. -amanda