i doubt crawling resolved anything. i didnt take a piss cause it would make too much noise. i really really had to go. i slipped into my room and stood still for five minutes because i heard someone walking around the house. when everything was still again i took off my clothes and turned off the light. last night was good until i made it a fucked up memory. i'm satisfied and then i'm dead. i'm happy and then i'm walking out the door to go for a walk at three A.M. no one comes out to follow me. when i say i want to be alone i want you to stand up and drag me back. that's the way it should be. but you just stay there, laying on the floor pretending you're asleep, but i see you. i see you swallowing the saliva building up in your mouth. you don't swallow when you sleep. i see you lying to me with your eyes closed. how many more times will you do this. how many more times will i take it? as long as it takes, i guess. i fucked up.