good god, i'm right where i started. it doesnt make sense, every part of me. i want an entirely new make up of me. every part is so flawed i dont know how i'm still existing. i had this overbearing chance to move on and i fucked it up, because that's what i seem to do. i totally fucked it up, and now, now i've taken a step backward. fuck me. haha it's really ridiculous. this is me still bitching about not getting what i want. i want him. he has her. he doesnt want because he has. and so i'm the fucked up heartbroken idiot. it's pretty funny. if you think about it, yea it's really fuckin' funny. i think i really am starting to feel hurt. that numb feeling i was talking about, it’s starting to fade. i’m starting to feel. the only thing i agree with right now is laying in bed. it’s sunday agian. it’s fucking sunday and i’m plain and bitter and full of bullshit. i have nothing good to say to you. i want to move on with existance. after a short burst of tears i can frown for two days, then be over it. under then up again. i dont want you to leave me alone, but please go away. :o) i'm really ok.