i dont know. i'm doing terrible. i'm doing really terrible in everything. not good. like the mother said, my focus is all messed up. i'm failing chemistry. i know everything, and then when the time comes to prove myself (test) i blank out. i mentally didnt feel good today. when i was taking the test i felt like someone was screaming at me in my head. i couldnt understand what they were saying, but whatever it was, was screaming and yelling. maybe this is an excuse for getting an F, or maybe i'm just Insane. you be the judge. i'm mad because i'm so good at ignoring people, and the people i'm so good at ignoring are so good at ignoring me. it's so awkward that "they" sit together and i dont feel the sadness. all i have left is the anger. i dont want the anger. she gets something i want. it's stupid to think of it that way. i'm ok with "them", i'm just worried about "us." i feel downed. i feel awkward. i feel uncomfortable. i'm not depressed, i'm kind of unexplainably floating around. i dont know what i'm doing anymore. there's no time for anything. i sleep too much. i could sleep forever because after i do homework (which i amazingly do now) there is Nothing left for me to do or accomplish. i dont like being sleepy and i dont like being pointless. putting forth effort is one thing i lack. i used to put forth a lot of effort in everything. but, dude, nothing's wrong, not really. except my dreams are filled with me looking for someone. i dont understand that. i dont want to find someone. after i turned in the test that i knew i failed she told me how it was easy, and she understood the whole thing. i felt anger boil in my insides and my brain hurts, my arms hurt, my thoughts hurt, my fingers are freaken sticky! i was eating dried cranberries. want some? -amanda