so when i’m trying to be serious, when i’m trying to be close i feel pushed, rubbed away. like you’re working hard to get my stain off your skin. like there isnt really enough time to be spending facing my direction. it’s just a feeling. it’s just a vibe i’m receiving. it’s just a moment that causes a little doubt. and i’m wondering,”why?” why do a lot of things seem to be collapsing? i tried to be nice. i tried really hard not to say negative things. not to hit. not to single you or her out. and then i feel awkward now. i feel like the idiot resting in the shadows. in the sun. some fragile kids that will one day realize their stupidity wouldnt shut the fucking door. i was frustrated. i was anxious. i was dissolved because the sun was out, though not bright enough to sting, but bright enough to hurt something. pride. brilliance. eyes. and it forces out some water eyes and that, that is not needed. i mean, i could really use you right now. i could use you to make me feel better.make me feel like i’m being a little insensitive and to calm me down because that’s what you normally do. that’s what i like you to do, because i dont like feeling high strung. you were interested in the beginning and now its not as important. so shrug on and forget it. there’s a front door to your every back. she was wishing there was something more complex. she’s always wishing for something more complex, and then she likes to tell me the downs, maybe i can help. maybe i can get the idea to help her, when it was really her idea all along. try to make sure i love you. girly. or something. o r s o m e t h i n g. these moments we have are just like everyone elses’. how does that make you feel? maybe disorganized and lost. maybe here all along but you didnt want to admit. i was here all along but you didnt want to look up. just like a mistake i always tend to make when it’s really important. when it’s really brilliant. just repeat and repeat your self again and again. make tons of mistakes and make tons of good times. you dont realize that what you’re saying, what you’re thinking is just a drag, maybe this is a flow and if you were talking out loud what would it feel like, what would come out instead of thoughts. would your words, spoken out loud come out to be what you were thinking, like this works, but is speaking working too? -amanda