How are things? Well I'm feeling run down and negative. I'm feeling ultimately unmovtivated and cast away. My eyesight goes blurry then clear then blurry then clear. I'm on the brink of tears every moment. I'm wondering if I would mind if I would have to give up a lot to make someone else happy, to make myself happy. I'm feeling too negative. I'm feeling too angry. So angry, in fact, that I want to physically hurt my dog (you might hate me for saying that, I really dont care). I want to hear myself scream. I want to twist and turn and hear you yell at me for hours as I sob out everything that's bothering me. Everything is bothering me. It doesn't hurt to know I'm fucking up. It doesn't hurt because I'm Always fucking up. I was desinged to just have friends. I'm afraid of the penis. I'm afraid of the hands. I'm afraid of the mind. Who programmed this fear into me? I would like a work with them. Then I would like to beat the shit out of them. Please? I'm twitching in my mind and my mouth hurts from the evil orthodontist who wishes I was dead. Who else wishes I was dead? I hope I make you unhappy. And so I burst into tears because weeping sneaks up on me. I hate who I was last year. I really do hate who I was last year. And dont you understand I still hate who I am? First impressions, I fucking suck at those. And it bothers me to have it explained to another. I'm angry inside. I'm starving for attention. I'm hating everyone, but loving at the same time. I Really am a terrible person. I'm not kidding. And I'm so terrible, in fact, that I hate when they talk to each other. I hate when I hate. Unhappy. Unhappy. Unhappy. I'm scared. I'm ultimately scared of everything. I feel like no one is listening, there's a come-back for everything. How are things going? Good. Awesome, in fact. Until i sit down and think about it. Yes. I do think too much. I'm a walking Contradiction. Sorry hun, but I can't stop. -Amanda