Getting a break. Boy how I needed a break today. Waking up in a panic. Shit all over my room. Literal shit, by my door, by my bed, my dog doesn't know how to hold it. I want to go back to sleep, but I don't want to start today over. I don't want to do anything. I hate deadlines. I can't write for shit because nothing is coming out of my brain. I think about him all the time. I can't figure anything out. This is the first thing I've eaten all day. I thought the girl that took my order was a guy. That doesn't matter, but it's true. I have money, but I don't want to spend it. I'm holding out. I don't know what I'm waiting for. March is ten days away, less than, and I haven't lost any weight or gained any confidence. I wish to leave this place. It took me about 23 minutes to get here. I sped like a maniac. Begging for a ticket, except not really begging because that would be stupid. I mean, I want to be a girl, but girls are fucking stupid. Everyone is stupid. I am stupid, but girls are so extremely stupid. And boys, well boys are dumbasses. Everything is bitter today. Notice. Notice the blatant hostility that is trying to overwhelm this. I feel lost, and I wish I knew how to ask for help. Knew how, or just had the balls to do so. But I'm a girl. A stupid stupid girl.