you see, there was a pathetic little bean bag behind the door. a dark patio that isnt very inviting. you see, i was laying there. right there. he was laying next to me. we can cuddle with our backs touching. we can cuddle with me shivering. we can cuddle facing each other with only one eye staring back at the other one eye. you see, we're just friends. you see, i finally let it out. you ask me a real question, i cant lie. you see, he didnt respond in a real way. i watched him use the same technique with his little cousin. cousin falls down, about to cry. he quickly trys to make him laugh. hurry dont cry. hurry. and so he makes me laugh right after the awkwardness. kind of change the subject so i dont cry. i hate that. let me cry dammit. i just want to get over it. i go home without an extreme feeling of satisfaction. i want that EXTREME feeling of satisfaction. i want. i need. i desire. -amanda