She misses the late night calls With Skylar the boy who was her best friend. and then he was stolen attracted the heart of her other best friend and no longer does she have 2 best friends she has 2 people who like to complain about why they can't be together and who don't understand how hurt she is because he was untrue to her and no longer calls or wants to hang out or wants to talk about anything out of the ordinary because it is always about her friend. she's so fucking sick of all this fucking friend shit that has to do with fucking guys. why the fuck can't things be normal? she's honestly happy for marissa and matt. they like...don't just ignore the world outside of their relationship. and amanda, well amanda's boyfriend is the biggest fucking mistake of her life. she knows it. we told her. but it's her choice. she doesn't want a boy doesn't need a boy to make her happy she just wants her friends to still be her friends. She went off on skylar tonight. she's sick of hearing about their fucking same problem over and over 24/7. there are more important things going on. she's such a fucking emo kid. she cried when she watched america's next top model. because tyra was yelling at the little bitch. because she didn't care. now....tyra isn't exactly her favorite person, or model, but when she went off, it sort of moved her, sadly enough. so she called amanda. and told her this. and amanda laughed with her. Last night was another night she couldn't fall asleep and sat staring outside the cracks of the blinds into the streetlight in the front yard, waiting for something interesting to happen, to hit her, or for sleep to come. there's nothing to lie awake and think about anymore. except damn boys. and friends. and family. and herself. and everything she always thought about. but it's not the same. it just isn't. "you're a poohead." is the im she just received from matt. haha. what a loserrr. last night she had the urge to write again: "I figured out why I'm online so much. It's because my life online is so much better & interesting. I talk to so many people. I can be myself. I am not intimidated as easily. I'm honest. I don't feel it necessary to hide. At school i walk around with my low self-confidence & don't want to be there at all. nothing out of the ordinary happens. Then again, that kind of stuff rarely occurs online either. But at least when I'm online I'm not AFRAID." There was more. But it won't be written. She went to the library today. First time in a long time. She loves bookstores and libraries. Although she doesn't read much. She likes how cozy they are. All the books. The smell. It's so wonderful. It's the best place to be. Better than the beach. Better than Magic Mountain. Better than curled up in her closet on top of her shoes. She needs to go there more.