last weekend
Amanda + I went to the movies.
or, so we told our parents.
her boyfriend picked us up
and drove us to Dylan's house
where Elijah asked me if
I would make out with him
I did
it got intense
or he thought it did
so he unbuckled his pants
and the zipper went down
and my heart started racing
i was not about
to give this boy a handjob
so i quietly said
"I thought we were just going to make out"
"oh.you'reright.sorry"
so we kissed
and he left
and didn't speak
to me
at all
amanda + i got a ride
back to the movie theater
to get picked up by her dad
she steered the car
i sat in the back
praying
screaming
wishing
she would stop
but
she
didn't
i almost died
a few times
with all the swerving
but luckily
jeff's a good driver
anyway
nobody knew
our parents at least
until last night
when my mom found
a note
i wrote
to tara
sunday
she was pissed
she told my dad
but not the whole story
she left out the part
that i wasn't at the movies
like i said
because he had said
if i wasn't there
i would be grounded for a year.
i don't get grounded.
she told him later
and he didn't ground me
she's not telling
amanda's parents
because she knows
amanda would be killed
i love my parents
so much
more than i ever thought i would
my mom says
she doesn't want to be a hypocrite
because she used to do the same things
but it's just so hard
to face them
and still be respected
they know i told him
no
but they don't want me
to get a reputation
they think i have too much
going for me
which is total bullshit
if it was true
i wouldn't think of suicide
i wouldn't have let him make out with me
because i wouldn't be a slut
this is too much
i'm glad i still get to go to the concert tomorrow.