This has got to be the worst confusion I've suffered in quite awhile.
But let me start with the drama that doesn't involve this confusion.
friday. was. intense.
so it was a half-day and we decided to go to the beach. i rode in tyler's car with drew, scott and tyler (durr). Tara rode in Matt's car with Skylar and Marissa.
well first tyler's group stopped for pizza. and i realized i had made out with every single boy in that car.
we blasted from first to last on the freeway and then got to the beach.
matt was fucking some girl, we found out after interrogating skylar, and marissa was kind of pissed. then matt finally came back and him and skylar went swimming.
drew was being so emo. it was pissing me off.
so after skylar and him got out of the water things were cool, until all of a sudden skylar punched him. they started rolling around in the sand and we all thought they were joking, this is what they do. but when we saw they were serious it got so scary.
turns out matt told skylar (jokingly) that he was going to fuck tara. well they both stormed off and we got really scared because we couldn't find either of them. we went looking and then matt came back, but he drove away. just drove away without saying anything.
i called my mom because i wanted to go home and we all couldn't fit into tyler's car, plus he was being a dumbass.
marissa was crying so hard. tara was crying too. and i was just comforting them because i really had nothing to do with any of it.
matt finally came back so i called my mom and cancelled the ride she was going to give me.
we all switched cars and i rode in matt's.
now let me tell you, it is very very scary riding in a car with a super pissed off boy with too much testosterone and very loud angry music.
i started crying in the car. and i realized how relationships can turn out and wanted absolutely nothing to do with drew so he got all emo again because i wouldn't kiss him and blahblahblah.
but then he put on "ohio is for lovers" and everyone was smiling and singing along, and things felt so right, but I felt so guilty for even thinking everything was alright, because obviously it wasn't.
for some unknown reason (that i still don't even understand) we ended up at skylar's house.
skylar wasn't home.
matt found a key.
we went inside.
i locked myself in the bathroom because i didn't want to talk to any of them.
especially drew.
i came out when skylar got there and just sat quietly on the bed.
it was me, scott, drew, matt, skylar and tyler.
i think they fought again, but i was in the kitchen on the phone, crying to tara and marissa that i wanted to go home.
well i went back in there and tyler came out of the shower.
i ended up seeing his white, naked ass. it was so effing gross.
and then drew thought he could make everything better by making out with me. i HATE that about him. i don't like making out all the time. i like being held.
matt and i talked.
then he took me home.
i went to tara's after i ate and got ready but i was still filled with anger and confusion and i was scared.
jenna and keshara were there. marissa got a ride with me.
marissa and i couldn't stop screaming. we fought, just to let out our anger.
we spun in the front yard and brian dunne threw stuff at us.
jenna gave me happy pills.
tara gave me alcohol.
i forgot about everything for the most part.
we got to the dance and i officially met max.
i saw so many people i knew. and they were all so nice to me. it was nice.
but then. then i was mad. because marissa just can't stop thinking about herself and her needs. and she just doesn't give a shit about what that does to other people.
so i was holding back so many tears for the rest of the night.
eventually i figured it wasn't so important and i faked my way through the rest of the night, but it still hurt.
and i can't believe she'd do that.
they called me a slut for dancing with andrew the way i did.
well i can't help it if him and i are just that cool with each other that we can do that and have it not mean anything.
and besides, it's a fucking dance. that's the kinda shit that goes down at dances.
we went back to tara's.
my mom got pissed at me, what's new?
i cried at tara's from everything.
and you know what i hate.
i hate when people try to make me feel better.
because i don't want to feel better.
so i went upstairs, watched tv, slept.
today i woke up.
we had pancakes.
everything felt so good.
i walked home.
thinking.
because i don't think i can go out with drew anymore.
(where's anthony when i need him????!!!)
i took a shower.
i did chores.
tara + I made plans.
max called me.
tara and i went downtown to the library (where max met us)
and we chilled.
and it was a lot of fun.
and i saw danielle.
and she invited me to spend the night if i went to the show.
and it was shocking.
and then we drove.
and we picked up a car-full of people.
and CHARLYY! i love that boy.
and then max drove us back to main street where my mom picked us up.
and then we picked up drew.
and then skylar was dumb and said he couldn't come.
jacuzzi.
fire.
(tara's so mean, she sets ants on fire)
dude where's my car.
skylar walked here.
straddling.
my mom walking in.
my mom not caring.
thinking about someone else.
being unsatisfied with drew.
taking them home.
apparently he's gone punk again.
or so he says.
and if that's so, he believe he has to smoke to be punk.
i refuse to go out with him if he smokes.
and he keeps asking me to come to his practices.
i don't want to go, because he doesn't even introduce me to his friends at school.
and they give me weird looks.
and quite frankly, i'm afraid of them.
nick's such a silly boy, already has a new crush.
os;arj;oietj;iotjewtioewjt why now?
and amanda broke up with jeff.
she called me, crying really hard.
amanda doesn't cry.
so it was really weird.
and i think i'll walk to her house tomorrow, bring her cookies or something.
she still likes him sooo much.
she just didn't want to date a college guy.
which is totally understandable.
it seems like...everyone's breaking up.
marissa with matt.
amanda with jeff.
wow.
i'm so used to it being me as the only single one, i feel guilty about going out with drew.
hahaa. he actually said i was hot today.
it's so sad when you have to fish for compliments from your own boyfriend because he won't say them otherwise and you're just oh-so-desperate to hear one. just one.
That really sucks about everything, with Drew and Tara and Marissa and just... Everything. Amanda+Jeff, too. That really bums me out. I really understand where she's coming from though.
Well, feel better.
♥justine
when you told me that they called ou a slut, i didnt know what you were talking about.
now i know.
I L♥ve you