something is seriously wrong with me. or i wouldn't be crying right now. i wouldn't be wishing for my parents to get into a major car accident. i wouldn't be wishing i was dead. i wouldn't be about to run away. i wouldn't be starving myself. i wouldn't be fucking up my friendships purposely. i wouldn't be hating the attention justen is giving me. i wouldn't be searching for alcohol and drugs. i wouldn't be wasting my saturday with sleep. i wouldn't be turning off my cell phone and not accepting any calls. i need to go back to therapy. even if it doesn't help. i need it. i look so terrible. my face is so red. as well as my eyes. my eyes have bags under them. and my make up is running. i seriously can't last much longer at this rate. i'm so afraid of what's going to happen. i'm so sick of my parents hating me. i try to be independent. and then my fucking parents make me rely on my friends. "you can't do this unless someone else is there." well if i run away nobody will be there. i could go to marissa's. i could. nobody would know. they aren't home. but i don't know when they are coming home. i want to confide in someone. i want to confide in marissa. but i don't want to make her cry again. and worry. and judge me. and i just can't get up the courage to call. all that will come out are single words seperated by me trying to choke back tears and cries of help. what happened to me this year?