last night, after a usual night of talking to anthony on aim for hours, i decided i should sleep. well i tried. but then it really hit me when i was thinking about why i don't want to get married, that i use guys. i lead them on, sometimes screw around with them, and then quickly start avoiding them. oh and if they're special i'll go out with them too. but it just makes me feel so awful and i'm going to stop. not being with boys for a little while has taken so much stress off and i don't have to worry about things like this. i can't stand when people eat. i can't stand when they slurp their food, chew with their mouths open, when their jaws click and everything else. i absolutely hate it and i can't eat with my parents anymore for that reason. my mom's all irritated with me and i have no clue what i did wrong. oh well. i'm over the shane west lookalike. he was my coach today, and yeah he's cute, but no i don't care. jeffrey barker is my favorite mentor out of all the mentors. he's so cool! and as rachel pointed out to me, he has the most gorgeous hands. haha. seriously. At dress rehearsal today I wasn't nervous at all which in turn, freaked me out so by the end of each piece, i was nervous because i had been thinking about not being nervous during the rest of the piece. crazy, i know. i saw charlie and the chocolate factory today, but don't tell amanda. i saw it with marissa and her parents and cousin. it disappointed me. but i'm still seeing it again tomorrow with amanda i think. i don't mind, considering i didn't pay today and tomorrow will be cheaper since we're going in the morning. oh.my.god. my mom just came in and left this magazine article that's like "Dear Seventeen: I tend to go out with guys for short periods of time because they usually end up dumping me for another, prettier girl. Needless to say, I have lost all confidence in myself, and the only time I think I look good is when a guy tells me I do. Can you help me?" WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK THIS HAS TO DO WITH ME???! oh my god. this is stupid. i don't like it. she doesn't understand. go away. stop with the newspaper articles. stop pretending like you know me. stop being so fake. oh speaking of fake we saw erica at the movies. i hate her. more than anybody else i know.