A lot of things are really fucked up right now. So that's why I was just so glad to sit in Matt's car at lunch with 8 other people and just be completely relaxed as we sang along to Kelly Clarkson and Britney Spears. I've decided that Harmony is really cool. So is Rachel Harvey. Things with my mom are awful. She isn't talking to me. She hates so many things about me. She wrote a note to me and left it on my bed this morning: "Lauren- I've decided if you choose to be the way you are then I'll have to accept it- but I've also decided that I will no longer extend myself and do for you as I have in the past only to not be appreciated. So hereon you can go to your father for all the extras I've always made sure you had- I'm backing out." She told me last night that she wants nothing to do with me anymore and I was really scared she'd hit me but instead she went into her room and slammed the door and I just sat on my bed for a good 20 minutes thinking and crying before I had to call Evan. I didn't tell him any of it because well a)he was busy and b)it's not important to other people. I then had to call Marissa back, something I was definitely not in the mood for. She wanted to know why I told Tara her secret (which was something that had to be done eventually because the longer she waited the worse it would be when she told Tara) and Tara had to understand why I think Marissa is such a hypocrit. Marissa wanted to know if I'm even her friend anymore. Truth is, I don't know. I can't stand her sometimes. I told her she was selfish and she said she knew. But we just kind of let everything go and then started talking about other things. I'm not having a birthday party, the one thing I was really looking forward to this year. Nobody would be able to come because the only day I can do it, unless the cruise gets cancelled (something I'd be REALLY pissed about), is the day drumline has semi-finals. The only other people besides drumline kids I was going to invite were like Amanda, Tara, Evan and Stewart. So that means that my whole party I wanted to have is cancelled. Which I guess is good for my parents because they didn't want me to have it either. Tonight I have a concert for County Honor Band. I'm kind of excited actually. Today was just a bad day. I'm so pissed off and upset and confused and I just really wanted to go to Matt's house today to hang out and be with people and forget about everything. But I couldn't because I thought Evan was coming over before work and then he didn't and I didn't have a ride to Matt's so I just had to go to Starbuck's with Amanda and Tara. That just made me feel really gross and I have a headache and I don't want to see my mom anytime soon. I haven't talked to anyone about anything lately. I needed to let a lot out. Sorry.