I still cannot believe it's possible to feel this way about someone so strongly. It's an amazing feeling, I will admit, but it's also really scary. I'm afraid of him leaving, I don't want him to leave. I'm afraid of not knowing what to do with myself if he does have to leave. I can barely go a day without seeing him. And even when I'm with him for hours on end, I still want more. I often feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I need to start focusing more in school. On school. Doing my homework. My grades are dropping again. I feel like it's too much, even though it's barely anything at all. I've been missing a lot of school lately, for appointments and such. But now I think everything will start getting better now that I don't have anymore coming up. I got my braces off and for a few days I really was in love with my smile. That love has worn off and now I don't want to look at myself for longer than 20 seconds. So this weekend. On Friday I sat in Matt's car for like EVER after school with Harmony and Josh waiting for Tara to get done with track pictures. When she was done Josh, Tara, Matt, Tyler and I went to Matt's house and watched the EmoRangers. Then Josh and Tyler left and Bruce came over. We just chilled until around 6:45. Then we went to pick up Scott and Harmony, (Bruce left), and went to the ice skating rink. We got our shoes and started skating but Harmony and Scott went to the car soon after. Michael came and we all had a lot of fun. But now there are more things to deal with in the Lunch Crew. Oh well! On Saturday I went over to Stewart's and Evan and Derrick were there and we made stuff for the music video Stewart had to make. We went to Longs too and I love them all! They're really fun to hang out with. We went to Jenna and Tyler's house by the beach and stupid Jenna wasn't home. We ate at Duke's and I was basically really close to Evan the whole day. I didn't want to leave his side at all because in the music video I had to cheat on him with Derrick and I didn't even want to think about the idea of that. We watched the sunset from the end of the jetti. We had a bonfire and filmed the video and had Girl Scout Cookies and I really really love him and yeah. It was pretty good. Even if I froze my toes off. Then he came over to watch a movie and I felt so bad because I fell asleep and I really wanted to spend time with him. This morning I had a HUGE headache and I had to go to Santa Barbara for like a bajillion hours for youth symphony. My parents are mad at me again and I don't know why and I just really want to see him right now but I don't think I can because I have homework and grrrr. Oh well. I think I'm gonna go and do that homework now.