how i only hear the bad, even if it isn't being spoken. how i can be bawling my eyes out for an hour and 2 hours later, i am the happiest person in the world. how my dad brags about my grades and my music when he doesn't seem to really give a shit. how people put on such fake shows for other people. how life is so twisted and confusing. how i can't control my eating habits. how being under the light at the orthodontist's feels like being interrogated. how i continue to be a bitch to my parentseveryone. how nothing i do is appreciated. how this boy makes me feel. how i know my texting is going to go over, but it's all worth it for him. how self-centered she really is. how amanda and i don't get so annoyed with each other anymore. how i can't listen to people talk about suicide and depression, because it only makes me feel worse. how shitty i look. how i want to cry and scream and spin but i'm too worried about not making it to band on time. how my best friend has become everyone else's best friend but mine. (that actually applies to more than one person) how everything changes so quickly. and how i want to be with him but i'm too scared and i don't know why he would want to be with me.