crying my eyes out because my friends don't trust me or want to talk to me or want to let me listen or want to be my friends or like me and although i really like drew i'm scared and i can't handle going out with people because it happens every time i get so self-conscious and i don't eat and i cry and i hate myself and other things i'm not going to tell and i just wish she'd see what was going on and i wish she'd stop being immature and i wish my headache would go away and i wish all of this wasn't happening at the very beginning of the school year and i wish she'd understand her feelings instead of making me analyze them for her and tell her because i can't be helping her when i need my own help and he kissed me today and i didn't want him to not yet not because i don't like him but because i do and because i want this relationship to last longer than a week and a half and because it wasn't special it was just in the school hallway and like oh well he still hasn't stuck his tongue in my mouth so that's good i wish people didn't hate me and i don't understand my mom at all i told marissa we should go to therapy together but that was a lie because she was one of the people i talked about to my therapist things she did things she made me feel i felt so bad when your mom caught us eating ice cream in your room at 3 in the morning but i'd hate for her to not want me around her daughter cuz my heart stops everytime i love hellogoodbye i'm so thankful i have tara to talk to. i honestly don't think i could have handled all of this without her. tomorrow's confusing. i still don't know what's going on.