i wrote this at like 11:45 last night because i was crying and upset and yeah... My best friends are not my best friends anymore. They lie. They keep secrets from me. I don't know what the FUCK I ever did to them to deserve this. And I'm not going to get mad when I hear the truth. I'm going to get mad when I find out you've been lying behind my back. I don't want to talk to any of them except Amanda. Drew + Sara are going out. They're quite the perfect match. She can actually handle his bullshit immaturity. And me. I just keep turning to painkillers. It's not good, I know, but it helps. Calms me down. That's good. There was more but I can't say it. So today: I got to school, mad at the whole world. So I ignored the whole world. To me, that's Tara and Marissa. They didn't like it, but tough. At break I continued to ignore them. Then Tara and I talked, she said that basically what Amanda told me was overexaggerated bullshit. And we talked about what Marissa's doing to everyone. At lunch I walked around and said HI to people. Then I sat with Brooke and Josh and Daniel for a bit. And then I went to the stoop to see if people were even over there. Only the dumb chicks and Tyler were. So I saw Matt was in his car and I went over to talk to him. He told me that I could join him in there so I did. And we had a lovely conversation and although he's a dick, I truly love that boy. Marissa was really pissed off about this though. But she's not even allowed to touch him, or vice versa because if so, her parents are going to enforce legal action. (TOTAL BULLSHIT) But Tyler is the biggest asshole I know. He told Tara's secret. Just like he told mine last year. I can actually say I hate him now. Testing in dance on Friday. No partners, thank the mothereffing Lord (that I have finally decided I do not believe in.) After school we sat in Skylar's car, me, Bruce, Matt, Skylar, Tara and...Gianna. But she doesn't even count really, it's not like she ever talks. It was fun. Listened to the Aquabats and had a good time. I've been home alone since 6 now and I've enjoyed my time alone. I made brownies with my madd skillz. 2 more days.