Pretty tired of things being not awesome.

Pretty tired of having everything I love, want, or admire NOT be there for me when I really feel like I need it to.

Really wanting to be someone else.

Really wanting a different life.

Ready for something else.

Ready for something NOT stupid, hurtful, painful.

Ready for my heart to NOT be broken.

Ready to just not hurt so badly all the time.

Ready for things to work out for me.

Ready to feel joy and happiness.

Why is what I want, not happening.

It's not unrighteous.

It's not selfish.

It's not wrong, or bad in any way.

I really just wanted to get to know him better. Genuinely. It was just a plus that we have physical chemistry adn that I find him handsome as ever. That was only ever a plus. I just wanted to be worth it. I just wanted him to work at this. I just wanted to be given an opportunity. I just wanted to have that time. I just wanted to feel like I could love again. I just WANTED to love again. I just wanted this. That's it. That's all I wanted. It's small. It's simple. It's important to me. How much more can I get that point across. I WANT THIS. I WANT THIS MORE THAN I'VE WANTED ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. THIS IS IT. IF I COULD JUST HAVE THIS I WOULD BE HAPPY. I'D BE EXCITED. I'D FEEL JOY. I'D FEEL LOVED. I'D FEEL LIKE I MATTERED. I WOULDN'T FEEL SO ALONE IN THIS WORLD. I'D FEEL MORE CONFIDENT. I'D HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO. SOMEONE TO JUST BE WITH. SOMEONE WHO COULD BE BY MY SIDE AND JUST LOVE ME. AND I'D LOVE HIM BACK. I'D LOVE HIM BETTER THAT I'VE EVER LOVED ANYONE.

Why have I been forgotten?