fuck me, i wanna go home. i love rebecca with all my heart, i do, but i dont wanna be here. there are like 500 of her friends here who are screaming like monkeys, locking people in bathrooms, etc. i, meanwhile, am chillin out back on the hammock smokin the reefer and all that good shit. psh. i dont know any of these people, i feel really uncomfortable and awkawrd, im gonna be a little loser when im older. i get really shy and i hate parties. thats bad right? damnit, i wish someone else i knew was here other than rebecca. cuz i know she has to be a good hostess, and thats not fair of me AT ALL to demand a lot of attention, so im not gonna. ill just get through this, and everything will be fine. im a trooper as my mom always calls me. in fact, im a super trooper (movie im finally gonna watch tonight - !) poop i feel lonely. and im really fucking pissed at taras. what a douchebag, he could have told me he wasnt fucking coming. damnit fucker fucker mother! shit damn fuck a damn. fuck a damn damn damn damn. now im debating how to sneak out to the hammock again without anyone seeing me and doing the sympathetic - "awww, come chill with us"..cuz truthfully, if i put any effort into being down with these people, i would be. but it doesnt matter to me so fuck that. aight bitches im out payce. much later (2 20 am) rebecca, i just wanna say sorry for acting like a loser, and not doing anything..and i understand if ur pissed, have every right to be. im so so sorry, but i cant help it...i donno, im just this way and i cant change it and im eally really sorry. damnit, this kid.