dinner conversation with my parents (mostly in russian): dad: i have the best name for a clothing company, then you can make up the clothes...tunique...its too unique! niki: a tunic...? d: yes, isnt it great? n: papa, youre retarded mom: no, i think its a great idea, really n: it sounds like a black girls name. d: no, its just tunique. n: no, its like tuniqua, shafrika, shanaynay. m: shanaynay. it sounds jewish...no...its shayna. shayna nay nay nay. n: jesus christ m: nay nee nay na na na nay noo. d: tunique! tunique! m: shafrika! leon, why didnt we name nika that? shayna nay nay na na na nay na nay nee na na nay nay. d: tunique! n: jesus christ. papa, gimme a vlasik. do you wanna split a vlasik? d: ok. so tunique. its a tight- n: tunic? right. i get the point. gimme a vlasik. m: nika, go do math homework. n: mama, im eating dinner. with you. do you not see that? we just started eating dinner. why would i do math right now? whats wrong with you people. m&d: look at me as if they feel bad for me: their poor, confused daugher. honestly, my parents baffle me. i swear theyre not mental, but sometimes im not sure. and sometimes, i get scared...