what pisses me off is when asian people make screen names and usernames that have "azn" in them. im happy for you, youre proud of your asianness..thats great. but honestly, do i go around making my unsernames stupid shit like "white_mamii"? come on people...gimme a break. u dont have to advertise who you are just so that people will know that youre proud of it. just like you dont walk up to people and say: "hi, my name is asshole, im asian. (or white or indian or whatever the fuck else you are). things have been pretty shitty lately, for no reason in particular. i was beginning to think that its because summer is gone, and im happiest during summer, and all that..but now i think it might just be the fact that im back in school with the same bunch of superficial, judgemental, cliquey assholes that i was so happy to be away from all summer. who knows, i know im not the only one. ive been expanding my music collection lately, im addicted to downloading from lycos, its great. i saw american beauty yesterday. stuff like that makes me jealous. i know that theyre all completely fucked up, but what thora birch and that kid (ricky) found each other, and they were able to be fucked up together, and understand each other. even when they were just lying together, not saying anything, it was so intense. i wish i had that, i want someone to be fucked up with, and not do anything with at the same time. i wished they showed more action between the 2 of them. that woulda been hottttt. i loved how mena suvari was so obsessed with herself. i love it even more that i know people exactly like her. i cant wait till someone puts them in their place like ricky did to her. wow, im extremely bitter.hm. i think i'll blame it on my mom today. shes been pissing me off lately, throwing tantrums left and right. get a hold of yourself woman. i finished my tie-dye shirt for chem today. i think thats the singule most exciting thing that ive done all week. i wish everything was tie-dyed. but that would lead to a pretty massive attack of a headache wouldnt it. i want an mp3 player so badly. i dont think i want an ipod though, not enough gigs. and ihear the battery life is terrible. that sucks though, cuz theyre pretty. if you think about it, everything in life is so insignificant...except for the significant things. does that make sense? and i think that there are very few, if any, significant things in everyones life. some people live their whole lives in a bubble, they dont do anything meaningful. and i guess that could be good for them, cuz its not like theyd actually think about any of this stuff anyway, so it wouldnt depress them. but i wish my life wouldnt be insignificant. im sure it will be. i wish it would at least be important to someone else. i know im young, but still, it kinda sucks not to be able to say everything inside of you, even to the people who know you best. i kind of like the thought of everyone having secrets though. i just sometimes wish i had someone that i really wanted to tell them to. i suppose theyre not all that interesting anyway though. today i saw the good girl. jake gyllenhalls character would be perfect for me. i probably would get sick of him after a while though. he calls himself holden, thats enough for me. i really feel like the female holden. it just makes me sad that there are so many people who feel the same. as selfish as this is, i wish the book was a secret. its like if you're in love with some band, and you know that its wrong not to advertise them because that would be giving them business, but you want the band to stay a secret so that it can stay special. anyway, when the band gets found out, it'll eventually sell-out. and thats just so so sad. i love the catcher in the rye. i cant even explain it. its like listening to an amazing song for the first few tiems, and feeling like there can never be anything better. i hate feeling so unoriginal. my new goal in life is to learn how to write with my left hand. i wish i knew if i was going to find someone who would completely blow me away (no, pervert). that way, i would know if all of this is worth the wait, if lifes really worth living. its not like i would do anything drastic, or stupid, but everythings so meaningless. i would rather rob a bank and end up living my life in fear and suspense and pain from jail life or whatever i would have to face, than live a monotonous life with a boring job, a normal husband, and some stupid kids. (ok maybe not..being raped up the ass on a regular basis doesnt seem that great either) and anyway, what if my kids hate me...or turn out to be assholes? or dont love me. that would break my heart. i think i'll be forced to become a swinger. the prospect of sticking with the same person for the rest of my life is such a scary thought, but who knows, when if find someone it might change. i wonder if there are a lot of other people who dont feel worthwhile, or imporant..or anything. if there are, we should collaborate and form some sort of depressing blog where we can all yell at each other and rant and not feel so alone. i can feel an awesome year ahead of me. YESSS!!! i didnt have dinner today, im so hungry. i made 2 smores. hot diggity, they kinda sucked though, cuz when i finished one, the other was all..ungooey. and of course, theres the other fact that the marshmallows are probably a few years old. and the other day, my mom fed my 4 and 1.5 year old cousins pretzels that are at least a few years old...from halloween. i dont know why theyre not dead from the bugs that are probably living in the pretzels by now.my dad just told us that one of my grandparents family friends has lymphoma. sorry bitch. i didnt like her anyway. get her a fucking livstrong bracelet and be done with it, i say. thats mean. i actually do feel bad for her, cancer and the like are the worst things in the world, i DO hope she gets better and all that good stuff. but she had no right to make fun of me for mispronouncing something in russian. can ur grandkids read or write russian? let alone, SPEAK it. shut up! where the fuck do u come off whore? youre like 300 years olf and you wear your boobs hanging outta your shirt everyday. im reading the perks of being a wallflower now. i like it, i wonder how many people can really relate to these books. and i want to meet them. this thing is so damn long, i bet you could wrap it around the world twice or something. ive basically covered every topic known to man, with the exception of..oh i dont know. ill write a dissertation about that crap later. "LATER"