im so sick of these highs and lows. now's definitely a low. we even have a song about it: "im so sad me too, i cry every night im so sad me too, i cry every night im so sad me too, i cry every night im so sad me too, i cry every night im so sad me too, i cry every night im so sad me too, i cry every night..." repeat till youre sick of it or something. its even got a nice beat and everything. i cant keep holding everything in anymore, and always hiding how i feel about people i like or people i dont like. i think im just going to explode one day and tell everyone how i feel and end up ruining everything. its inevitable. i hate liking people this much. it hurts, and especially when all they can do is talk about other people in front of you. i really hate that im getting into this, and its stupid, and unimportant, but i cant help it. i just wish that for once i felt good about myself, the way i looked, my friends, my schoolwork, my family, everything. and honestly, i dont like any of it. i mean..i do..but i dont. the friends part..theres always a thin line between some things, and im not gonna get into that. the issue of looks makes me want to cry every time i look in a mirror, and school. HA. and i know that people dont really know me like they think they do. im so different around people. i wish i could make everyone see certain sides of me. its just that a lot of the time, i feel so judged that i cant never act like myself. so i just sit there like a stupid lump and do nothing. : - ( im so jealous of people who are happy and love themselves and are confident and feel pretty and whatever else. i hate feeling like this, i want it to go away now. da da da! i wish i could be a guy. then, all i would have to think about are boobs, ass, and making girls feel bad. i just dont understand how much longer i'm supposed to wait.