doing nothing really gives a person a lot of time to think. i havent returned any phone calls of texts or IMs, i havent come through on any plans, im a waste. and im oficially fat again. i spent all day today watching the third season of sex and the city. thats nine hours right there. i feel like a waste of air. and im a terrible. friend. i really should get back to people. i just like seclusion and 'hermitism' so much. i dont know what i'll do once forced back into the world of 'academia' as the bostonian calls it. of course boston didnt work out either. and i am so so so so sincerely sorry about that. i hope we can still do it sometime or i dont know what i'll do. i feel like a big fat stupid ugly vegetable....computer, have you ever had one of those days where youre always hungry? that was today. and to my chagrin, my fridge was lacking baby carrots, so my hunger was not in the least bit pacified. i sound like a fucking newspaper. i got so mad watching sex and the city today. i swear, it gets me so worked up. when carrie cheated on aidan MULTIPLE times with big..my heart flip flopped a little. i was so disappointed. as if what i was watching was real. i even yelled at the tv a little. a lot. the saddest thing is that i think i have now adopted carrie bradshaw as my new role model. pathetic. shes just not role model material. but there that is. but theres something so alluring about her and her life...no matter how much drama or pain or whatever else is in it...it "FABULOUS." fuck, im even talking like them now. plus, i like the fact that everything seems pretty real and theyre incredible honest about everything. i dont understand why everyone hides their problems like their the only people in the world who are going through them. i think it works better to let the whole fucking world know what youre doing through. it helps you deal with them better...at least for me. and im sure that a lot of what goes on on that show is completely glamorized and made up...but i like to believe that if i lived in new york at that age and felt as good about myself as those women...id be alright. and heres the thing. lets examine carrie. shes got crazy, frizzy, curly, messy hair. she wears the funkiest clothes. shes teeny tiny. shes got awesome boobs. I think shes hot. plus shes got no thighs. minus the awesome boobs, confidence, and plus the thighs (i think) : - ( i think we're pretty similar. now if only i could be friends with a virginal madonna, a sexpot, and an ugly redheaded cynic, live in new york, write a sex column, be funny and witty, and have guys hit on me nightly, i think i would change my name to fucking carrie bradshaw. on the bright side, real sex is on at 11 tonight. i can veg out and get fat some more!