much to my chagrin, my grades arent as i hoped they would be. thanks in part to flem-com-balls. whatever, that 70 year old hag can just suck her husbands 2 inch penis for all i care. actually, i do. i need that grade so much. this basically means that i will be a prisoner in my own home for the rest of the year, and will spend my time doing nothing but schoolwork. i have so much to look forward to. i look at myself, and i dont like who i am. i feel fake and phony and i feel like i dont act in a way that makes people see me as i want them to see me. but the thing is, i dont think im doing anything bad or mean, i just think people who think they can read me just from the way i act are so wrong, and i dont know how to change that. if we would read each others minds, everyone would be so surprised to see what other people are thinking. i dont think anything really shows on the surface. but i just want to change something about myself...i dont know what. i don like the person i'm becoming. some heartless, unfeeling, unemotional rock. i dont like it at all. on a lighter note, sweet 16 season has come, and i am possibly the only person in my school who does NOT enjoy this whole teenage 'sex on the dance floor' kind of dancing. i feel gross and unlike myself, and i only like to dance when im by myself. i have 2 'pick me up' songs which are "get right back(?) by maxine nightingale, and "canned heat" by jamiroquai. god i love him. anyway, i was pretty bummed yesterday, so i blasted them on my speakers and danced like crazy for at least 30 minutes. it felt so good to feel so uninhibited. and i also think i lost 7 pounds in the process. my quiz ha been quite a success so far, but i'm actually kind of embarrassed by it now that i realize how stupid it is. i hope i dont come off as obnoxious. some people are so obnoxious. NOTE TO ALL - IF YOURE TRYING TOO HARD, PEOPLE NOTICE, AND THEY GENERALLY TEND TO THINK YOURE A JACKASS.