fuck, i did it again. i think i apply a double standar to myself. i blow people off so much, and then when they finally do the same thing to me, i flip out. i get really pissed off because these people start to avoid me..or just be really really pissed at me...and that doesnt work for me. because the people who know me KNOW that im not good with the apologizing and admitting that i was wrong. i try, i just cant do it. its that whole issue about making myself vulnerable to the other person. because in essence, thats what happens. when you apologize, or let the other person know how you feel, or anything like that, you subject yourself to such a vulnerable position. i just cant deal with that. j. christ, i hate how everythings like a big game to me. i hate it HATE IT, but i cant ever seem to put an end to it. its not fair to anyone, im so terrible. i need to find myself a little ditch that i can live in. it would be so cool to be a vampire. i would get to sleep in a coffin AND suck peoples blood. what a bonus. no, but seriously, i found the best boots to wear tomorrow.