i don't kno wat to do.. i've tried to solve the problem many many times, but i'm still never comforotable or satisfied. i don't kno how to be comforotable with it, and i don't really want to be. i don't know why i make it an issue, end up being semi-okay with it, be completely fine with it, than hate myself for being okay with it. i don't get how sometimes i don't even care, and other times it's a big deal. in a way, i think i am bipolar. i can be in the worst of moods, and a second later, after nothing happened, be in a happy mood and just be watever to everything that was killing me only a second ago. that's just a thought, i know i will never be able to find out. if i mentioned to my parents that i think i am and suggest finding out from a doctor, they will say that i'm not allowed to go to a doctor. they think if i go to a doctor and tell them the assumption that i think i am bipolar, than the doctor will agree no matter wat and put me on a medicine i won't need. this talk has obviously happened before. i just wish i wasn't the way i am, it complicates everything and i hate it, and so does everyone around me. i make things hard in every relationship i have, i make it impossible to be satisfied, and i'm probably not the first choice in someone to hang out with. but that's okay, it bothers me a lot, but i don't think i can change, it'sjust who i am, unfortunately. i don't kno wat the right way to go is, i don't kno wat would make me happy. i don't know wat would make things better for the both of us, but without him i won't be complete, i wouldn't be happy so that eliminates one solution. maybe that would make him happy though, to live his life the way he chooses, and not having someone always being emotional and upset. i hold him back from everything he wants to do, i kno that but he won't admit it. i just want everything to be better.. i need it to be better.