that had to have been the most miserable weekend i have ever experienced, and the misery is still not through. first Mike went back to Vassar for about two months until his spring break which will exclude one week due to a crew race down in Florida. than, Jenni and i talked things through which ended out to be good, but it made me realize my priorities are not set well and my time is not spent the way it should be. she has forgiven me several times for my selfish act, and i am thankful for her to be my best friend because i know i don't deserve the second and third chances she's always given me. my actions will speak louder than words in this case, and i'm willing to do watever it takes to make this one hundred percent right, and prove to her i will stay loyal to her, although she hasn't mentioned to me that she feels i am not, it is just something i need to do to repay her and treat her as she deserves. my friendships are the most important thing to me, or one of them, and i don't want to ruin any of them. there was a good time during this weekend where i went to lunch with my parents at atlanta bread company, which was delicious, but everytime i think about food i feel even more nauseus, but i'll get to that later. and another positive thing was going shopping with my mom, where i spent some of my old navy giftcard from Christmas, and bought several things that were on sale at boscov's. after that is where the bulk of my misery began. i came home from the mall with a terrible headache, which isn't abnormal for me, especially after being in the ocean county mall for two hours, i thought nothing of it. than the nausea kicked in, keeping me from more than three hours of restless sleep last night. i woke up this morning and felt nothing better, my whole body was aching. i eventually was able to take a few short naps during the day, which were good for me. i still couldn't eat though, the last thing i had to eat was the chicken sandwich at abc the previous day, and the thought of food would not help my nauseating feeling, but eventually my mom made me eat a piece of bread, so i attempted and after several hours i was able to finish it. i feel so weak, and i don't know what to do to help myself. i don't know why i feel this way. it could be something kim had last weekend, and passed onto anthony, and somehow mike got it also, and now it's my turn. it is a miserable feeling, and i want it to go away. i don't know if it's a sort of depression sickness of Mike leaving, but i haven't really gotten upset about it yet. i cried when we said good-bye for the last time, but nothing else. i just hope this goes away soon, i don't want to feel this way. on a better note, i finally ordered my skirt and sweater from old navy online. they don't tell you that you need to scratch off a gray box in order to get the four digit pin number. i have about twenty dollars left of money left toward that store, and i think i'm going to wait til i find something that i really love because the gift card never expires. i take the SATs again this saturday. i haven't really studied, but i need to start that soon. i really need this in order to have a good future, i don't want to be a failure, but i'm a procrastinator and i don't always make the right decisions. i need to take responsibility for once because my life depends on it. in a sense, i need to grow up. elisha, i think you are wonderful. you deserve so much more, and for the time being keep your head up. i have faith in you. thank you for always being here for me, i am so lucky to have you as a best friend. our friendship proves nothing is impossible, we've conquered the unthinkable. i love you swedish fish ♥