taking off the tape from my heart monitor today was one of the most painful thing i've ever felt. it felt like i was slowly stripping the skin off of me. i'm just glad that's over now. he is the only one i have passion for, everyone and anyone else would just be settling. i can't just settle, it has to be him. my mind, my body, and my heart knows that. i just need a chance to show him my love for him is more important than anything he has ever done, and so i can give him back everything that he has given me. i just need him. i'm hoping to God that something happens when he comes home, and that he and i can talk things out. blahblahblah. how am i supposed to act? i just need to see him, i need to be with him and know that he needs me too. i need to know that i can prove to him all of the good that can come out of us, and try to make the bad go away. i don't know what to say, but i want to say something everyday. i can't handle myself when it's like this. ohmygod silence... i am too good at creating a nice conversation of silence. it's times like these when i realize that maybe i do need something different. why are things like this never easy? i feel like i'm talking to myself sometimes when i'm talking to him because he doesn't want to hear it. but the things he make me feel ohmygod and i've lived off my feelings forever so it's hard to ignore them when i know the rest isn't right. i am terrible at this.