goddamn jake. i was such an asshole to him today to prove my point that i was uspet with him, and it fucking backfired. we talked about it and i don't even know. he's like a breath of fresh air for me, although he may seem a little slutty. it's silly calling a boy slutty, but he admited he has been. but fuck that, it's fuckin fun to make out with boys so why not. although i'm not like that, everyone thinks about it so we're all fuckin sluts. except only some of us show it. he made me a chiodos cd tonight cause he said that mine was bad so he wanted me to have better versions of the songs, and he has more songs i don't have. chiodos ♥ on a sadder note, i might be going with him tomorrow to jen's wake. i want to go, but i don't want to go alone and he knew her from intermediate school. it's terrible, and i'm still fuckin scared as hell for kevin. i wish i could give him all the strength i have in my mind and body, although it isn't much. he needs and deserves it. i want to fuckin punch people when they put any blame on him, even though he could get partial blame. it just fuckin pisses me off. i just want him to be okay. we can't lose another. god fuckin damn world, you are fuckin chaotic.