last night, i had a dream and my grandparents were in it. i started to cry, in my dream of course. it's sad how life can separate family and i hope to god my family never gets like that. i have my oma diny and she is the only grandmother i need, but it's sad i can't see my other side of grandparents. but that is for my mom to decide, and my life is going on without them so i guess it is okay. i miss mark and i get jealous when he has new friends. and i definately do not approve of his recent "best friend." it just isn't right. but maybe it isn't right for me to be getting jealous just because he has a new friend that i don't like for him. i'm just selfish cause i want him to myself. it sickens me thinking about how much emotion and feeling i shared with mike. maybe that is why i kind of pushed away everyone i was close with because i don't want to tell anyone my emotions, i don't want anyone to know how i feel. i just want to live and have someone to go on walks with when it's nice out and go to the beach all day with. elisha and sean. that is all i need, and i'm thankful to have two amazing people. they make me :) it also sickens me how lazy i am and how i don't have a job. i applied to the library yesterday, but they're at a hiring freeze right now. i had applied to kmart a few weeks ago but they had never called back so maybe i'll call them. i just need a job and i'm starting to not care where. i'm going to stockton today with jess and danielle for pretty much no reason at all except for getting out of school for a little road trip and it being excused. what could be sweeter? the fact that i'm getting out of i think three tests makes it sweeter :) i can't wait until summer. ♥