everything is so mixed up right now, i can't describe it. i don't know how i should feel about anything right now. i'll start with the not so bad news/update. the jake situation. i don't even know. i like him, and i like talking to him. and pretty much, he wants to do me to be perfectly blunt about it. the problem, he has a girlfriend and i refuse to let him cheat on her or break up with him. he's the kind of guy to go through about ten girls a month, and he has been with this girl for awhile now. and when i say awhile i mean a few months. but anyway, i have nothing to offer him if he did break up with her. i don't want a relationship, and if we tried it would be bound to fail. so i'm avoiding it. so last night we were talking about the situation because we talk about it every night, and this is what he says to me. I sometimes just wanna take you to a place where we can really talk out everything. Cuddle. Kiss. A place where everything is void, its Just you and me. Alone. there was another detail, but i'll decide to leave that out. but i don't think you can say that to anyone, but it bothers me how much he'll hug and flirt with other girls and i get scared that he has these same converstaions with the other girls too. i tld him last night we can't talk anymore because it's such a shitty situation. that didn't even start, nevermind last. so i don't know, i should probably just stop communication with that boy. but i want him.. to the important, more shitty update/news of the day. one of my best friend's brother got into a car accident two days ago while he was taking his girlfriend out to lunch. a bus cut them off and turned in front of them and they collided. the air bags didn't go off for whatever reason, and the girl ended up hitting her head on the dash and window. she broke every bone in her face. she had no brain waves and was in an induced coma after going into surgery, but her reaction to feeling and light was more responsive then the doctors had expected, so they thought she'd make it. but last night, they knew she wouldn't. for whatever reason, she passed away this morning at 11:17am. and it is fucking sad and terrible and fucking wrong. my friend's brother is a mess, and so is his family. i can't begin to imagine how they feel. i went to see jenni today and it was sad. i had to leave to get ready for work, but instead i just drove around town blasting my music crying my eyes out. i'm so scared for him. that's all i can say, i am just terrified for him, for his life, for his family, for his heart and his mind. things like this shouldn't happen. he shouldn't be punished for this.