today was the last day of late opening for seniors, freshmen, and sophmores. i made alyssa and christina chocolate chip pancakes this morning :) there have only been two boys to ever make me feel this crazy ohmygodlove feeling. one i have dated on and off for almost four years and i'm not sure it will ever end. and the second i have only talked to once because i finally got the guts to walk up to him after three years, and introduce myself and tell him i think he is gorgeous. with Mike, it seems like he makes it impossible for us to have a conversation because he always needs to correct me or prove me wrong about every word that comes out of my mouth. he gave me these insecurities i now live with, and my reactions weren't ever terrible except they dug deeper then he ever let me know, so i have been oblivious for the past three years. but it's my fault that he is where he is right now. i'll take partial blame, but i don't think he understands how all of the shitty things he has done to me has effected me. the truth is, there will always be something wrong with us, stopping us from being together because love isn't enough to keep us together. the other boy, he makes my heart race just by looking at me. but how am i suposed to approach him, and get something to happen? i already tried and nothing happened. but i know there is something there. i hate waiting, but i've gotten used to it. holyfuckingshit something better happen. i got alyssa's birthday present today. i waited on line for 30mins and it was a ton of money. but it's worth it. i just wish it was my own money, but i can't even get a real job right now even if i wanted because i won't be able to keep it over the summer when elisha is here. which by the way, i cannot wait for! :) i put a tiny braid in my hair today and i think it's cute. sean and mike come home tomorrow. i want to have a big slumber party, but i have the st. patrick's day parade the next morning. THAT'S ALYSSA'S BIRTHDAY! we're going to freehold. i didn't go to the gym today. yayfat.