Empty. That's all I truly feel. Well emptiness and sadness..is it possible to feel both emotions at the same time? I feel exactly the way i felt march 2003 and all the months before that. Depressed. When I started Bye Bye Birdie, I was nervous,iffy, and most of all friendless when it came to the cast. I was embarrassed to tell any of my school friends that i was in a play. But most of all I wasn't anywhere near being a happy person. As the weeks of rehearsal went by, i grew happier. And by June, I became soo extremely happy. I was making the best of friends, and I wasn't embarassed at all by my interest in acting. My school friends, and family, noticed the change in me. One day when Kelley called me she exlaimed "You sound so happy!". Which i promise was not something Kelley was used to saying to me, the queen of sadness. On the car ride home from the cast party, it hit me. This was all very much over. It wasn't coming back. All i have is great memories, a few screen names, and pictures. When the tears started coming, i wondered, maybe I shouldn't have gotten so attached. But that feeling went away quickly. I love them. I love the people from the cast. A love I've never felt, a love I could never try to put into words. Now, it's Wednesday. It's been days since closing night, and it's getting harder for me to cope. I watch the video everyday, sometimes more than once, it's the only way I can stay somewhat sane. I talk to Hannah, or Emily, or whoever is online from the show, to try to keep these frienships together. But is it possible? God, I hope so. I feel bad when I hang out with my Cardinal Newman friends. They must consider me completly rude, and obsessed because whenever I speak it's to tell a story a/b my play friends, or to show them pictures, etc. It's very horrible of me. What if I turn into my old self? I already am really. I'm unhappy, bored,snacking non-stop, and would prefer to just sit around in my pajamas then go anywhere. I'm sorry for such a boring, sad entry, but I had to. I miss them so much.