I could lie and say that the last like 48 hours has been a joy, but since it's my diary, I'm gonna be as honest as I wanna be. Monday-I don't really remember anything occuring except for like kicking myself for sucking so bad at the auditions. Tuesday- School was torture as always. Cardinal Newman didn't even turn on the heat when it was like 18 degrees outside. Then, I went to Broadway Bound and tried to fake a smile for 1 hour and 45 minutes after finding out all the girls in Broadway Bound except for me got call backs(don't get me wrong I'm very happy for them). When I got in the car I had to change in to my cheerleading uniform, and as I was putting it on I just stopped and started to cry, and couldn't stop. I told my mom I couldn't cheer, I was just too upset. But then she made me feel all bad a/b it so I went. For the first like 30 minutes of being there I stood there and barely cheered. I didn't smile, didn't yell, basically looked dead. But then, I was thought "I should atleast pretend to be happy, for the squad" so I cheered like a real cheerleader for the boys game. Of course, as soon as I got in the car it was back to mentally abusing myself. I got home, and went to bed...hating myself. Wednesday(today)- I woke up feeling like crap. I went to school hating the world. Mr.Berzins made me look realy stupid in front of the whole class, and preceded on telling every single one of his classes and MR.GOFF(whom I have a crush on, and hearing him make fun of me wasn't really the highlight of my day). I've become one of those angry teenagers who yells at their mom for everything..oh well. I got home and put on a whiny away message. Catherine made me feel slightly better. Brandi IMed me and made me feel better, too. My mood is slightly happier. I still hate the fact that I'm not a good singer. I hate it. I mean come on, if you want something as bad as I want this why can't God let you have it? why? Oh well. I'm gonna stop whining because no one really wants to hear about your problems.