I'm halfway done with mid-term exams now. I'm halfway done with my first year of high school, but yet I still feel like a 8th grader. I think I expected high school to be a lot different, to fit the image tv and movies gives off. I thought it would be parties, and random hookups, and stuff like that, but it's really not..or maybe just not for freshmen, or maybe just not for my class? I wouldn't say that I'm complaining about it all because I really don't think much about high school, or parties, or even hooking up. I really think I was born in the wrong year. I think too much for my own good, too. In my mind, everything matters 10 times more than it really does. Words, facial expressions, phone calls, IMs, emails, conversations, relationships, hugs, anything that occurs in my life has to be overanalyzed for hours. I don't know why, I don't know why everything has to matter so much. Lantye came to my house yesterday to drop off my Bye Bye Birdie tshirt. I heard a girl in the kitchen and my mom saying "she's in the computer room" and I was curious of who it was to see me, and when I saw Lantye, I believe I asked "what are you doing here?". How sad it really is. We had such a tight relationship. I remember sitting on her stairs holding her while she cried in 4th grade, I remember taking our dolls to the grocery store haha, we went through everything together, and now we barely talk. Why do people have to change? I mean I know sometimes people change for the better, but I think it would have been better had Lantye stayed the way she was, had I stayed the way I was. But if I had stayed the way I was then I wouldn't have other things in my life. It's such a give and take type of thing. I had to give up Lantye, but for what? What did life trade me for her. Its not like I got a replacement, someone else who was so close to me. I mean I have best friends now, but I still haven't found out why God let us grow apart the way we did. I know He has a plan for me, I just wish I knew why I couldn't keep her. There's other things I wonder about sometimes. I mean I guess since I gave up Lantye, I got theatre, since I got theatre, I gave up on Jones, since I gave up on Jones, I became my own person. Does that make since? I guess it's all very connected. Weird things make me cry sometimes..not out of sadness, just like watering eyes because I'm amazed by life. Catherine called me today and left a message about some John Mayer song that was on the radio, and my eyes started to water...I don't know, I guess it just amazes me that I have her. And sometimes Hannah will jsut stop me and grab my hands and tell me I'm wonderful, or something, and everything feels perfect. And sometimes Molly will just laugh, and everything is okay because Molly is the South Carolina version of Jessica Simpson..except not quite as dumb. And Leslie is just Leslie, she's just that cool. I have such great friends, and I guess that's why I had to give up Lantye. See, in 6th grade, I was homeschooled, and Lantye was literally my only friend. If she had plans, then I just didn't do anything on the weekends. I was so dependent on her, and I guess that's why I had to give it all up, so that I could live my life. I wish I could explain this entry in a more easy way. I'm sure people will read this and wonder "what the hell?" but as I write it, it seems to make since to me and I guess that's what matters, right? This entry is more or less, an entry about what I'm thankful for though. It may not appear that way, but it is. I hope this entry isn't too boring haha..or just too plain weird.