"He was never mine to lose Why regret what could not be These are words he'll never say not to me, not to me, not for me, his heart full of love" The above is from a song in the musical Les Miserables, if you didn't know, sung by Eponine, a character I've never had trouble relating to, a victim of unrequited love. Yesterday I saw one of the guys that used to mean the world to me. It might be the one you would guess, it might not be. That doesn't matter. The thing that worries me is that I saw him and felt...nothing. Yes, nothing. Oh how long I've waited to see his face, to hear his voice, and not feel something, but now I'm sort of sad. I mean, yes, it's wonderful that I won't have to be sad over him all the time, but it's also sad because I had always vowed I wouldn't give up until he gave me a chance, and it looks like my heart went ahead and gave up(without my permission) before he gave me a chance. Probably because my heart knows that he'll never give me that chance. I guess I'm just sort of dissapointed. I'm also really sad because Katie Johnson(that little girl who was in Annie for her make-a-wish that one night) passed away on Tuesday. I feel so bad for her whole family, and it's so unfair that her life was so short. I'll never understand why God takes innocent children, but I hope one day I can be mature enough to figure it out. I do know though that she's happier where she is now, because she had become pretty unstable near the end of her life(unable to talk and walk), and now she can run around and be a child in Heaven. Or atleast that's how I like to think it is. So, what's up with me today? NOTHING. I'm feeling better(physically) than I was, but not 100% better. Not up to going on the beach, or even out to the pool. I slept until 1, and ate cereal. Then, read some for school. Now, I'm doing nothing. It's so awkward to be here with my sister. We've said MAYBE 4 words to eachother since I've gotten here. She knows to stay away from me though. I honestly hate her. It's sad that she did that to me, we could be close sisters, but she really screwed up that one. Her husband also said that my parents do too much for me, which I think is really humorous since my parents pay for like EVERYTHING my sister and her husband have. My parents are paying for this condo that their staying in. He should really look around and see how much he would have WITHOUT my parents before he critcizes how much they give to me, their own child. And I know I shouldn't dislike my nephew just because he's the spawn of my sister and her husband, but I can't help it. Don't worry, I'm not mean to the 1 year old haha. I just don't dote on him like everyone else. I ignore him. So, the only people here that I don't despise are my parents. Though, my dad gets on my nerves REALLY fast because the only restaurant he wants to go to is The Fish House which is this nasty ass seafood place. And he thinks my sister is God. And my mom only cares about the nephew. So basically I'm on my own right now. My other sister is coming down tomorrow morning, but she also adores the nephew way too much. So yeah, still alone. I never thought I would ever say this, EVER, but I wish I was in Columbia. AAHH DEVIL! bite my tongue! Yeah, I'm not desperate enough to want to be in Columbia. I just wish I had a friend with me. Okay, as fun as this is...I'm going to go!