I realized that today, last year, was Bye Bye Birdie opening night. Have I grown at all since then? I feel like I've gotten less mature, gotten stupider, brattier, sadder. I think about how it's late right now, and last year I was probably asleep because of a exciting opening night. I think about how happy I really was. But am I that unhappy now? What is so bad in my life? Like honestly. I'm always so sad, but WHY? Because I don't have a boyfriend? Well only like 2 of my friends do have boyfriends. I'm young. It's not that I think I need a boyfriend to be happy, I think I would just like approval from the opposite sex. Maybe it's because I don't think I'm pretty? Well, I'm not hideous. I get complimented enough, just not by guys. Maybe it's because I don't think I'm talented? No, I'm not fabulous..yet. My teachers say I'm good and I've only not been cast in 1 of the shows I've auditioned for, so I must be doing something right. Is it because I don't have Lantye anymore? Maybe, but I don't think so. I got to hang out with her recently, and realized though I do miss her, not having her in my life anymore is not the sole purpose for my unhappiness. So why am i sad? I have friends, and I'm in a show which I've said many times is what makes me happy. Well, I can't pin point what's wrong. I know somethings missing because I feel empty even when I am happy. And I know what the thing that's missing is..self confidence. Not confidence, because I am outgoing. But self confidence. I need to like myself before I can expect others to life me. But I can't do that on my own. I have to have goals, which I do, but sometimes I think I forget them. Yes, I need short term and long term goals. And I need to work work work. Not be lazy, but really work hard at what i love. I need to focus on school once it starts up, and take as many dance, voice, acing classes possible, and really work in them. And I need to surround myself with people that make me happy. A lot of people I've hung out with have kept me company, but either left me feeling nothing, or left me feeling bad. So, I need to hang out with people who leave me happy. Mary Tilden makes me happy. She's always full of compliments and positive thoughts. Molly and Calle make me feel happy, and like a cool, fun teenager, sometimes i think i need to be reminded I'm not a 23 year old theatric. Giulia, who I really hope I get to know better this year, makes me happy. She's the smartest person I know, and hilarious, and she too is full of compliments and advice when needed. Those aren't the only people that I need to surround myself with, but they stuck out in my head. cindy told me she might let me help backstage at Annie, she said she'll call me. I really hope she does. What I need is something to make me wanna get up out of bed, and that would make me want to do that. I hope this entry makes a little bit of sense.