umm.. so i have the song cold by crossfade in my head thanks to jon. =] its annoying and cute in the same sentence. lol i bit my damn cheek and it hurts. ugh there's this big bump on the inside of my cheek and thats annoying too. so i want to redo my page, but sit wont let me so i am stuck with this one for a little while. i redid myspace and it looks really cool, if i do say so myself. lol i was talking to whitney about this yesterday. without trust you have nothing. it really made me evaluate the relationship we had and i think... we never did have trust. but we did have trust as friends. maybe its a higher level of trust that we lacked, but i know that we never had it as a couple. its amazing how fucked up things can get when you don't have something as simple as trust. yes i over think things, but i think its good to wallow in this situation for a while. it makes everything more great.. u can't realize how good things are if u experience the bad. i need a reality check and being down in the dumps for months will be good for me. i think its a personal thing. i need to learn to become happier with the person i am. i am thinkaful for my life and all.. i just dont appreciate it. its a sad story and i am really just a bitchy little american girl who could have everything she wanted, but i am still sitting here and bitching about how horrible my life is. i really don't even know why i am sitting here and bitching about the most random of shit. i'm so pissed at my failures. i think thats it. there's not a day i wake up and think, well matt isnt my friend anymore and you know what felicia? ur stupid for being such an idiot. ahh! i hate it when things fall apart. everything was so good a year ago. *puts face in hands and sighs* thats all i can really do about the situation. its so weird to just try and make things right again. grrr. its annoying because we're matt and felicia. it shouldn't even be like this. it really shouldn't even have to be like this. remember all the good times we had? when we weren't together? i went to dan jansen and everything i saw, i thought of how good we were as friends. we were like bestestest friends. but maybe i just need to accept the fact that we aren't meant to be friends? i guess if things are meant to be this way, they will stay that way. this song is so perfect. my god. i love nickleback sometimes. i think i just do need to move on from this. but like everything else that has left my life, its going to take a while. patience is a virtue. and i think that God knows that I am awful with patience so he throws this shit at me that only time will heal.