ok i thought i would write in here because lately i am getting really angry. umm, where do i even start? i want this to be a good entry but i have no clue where to begin... first thing that comes to mind. i hate you. lol hmm thats the first thing because i can't even hate the little whore. lol i call everything a whore nowadays. umm, but yeah... can u see how i am trying to drift away from telling sit this? what's wrong with me! sit is my BEST FRIEnD! lol she knows everything. she? lmao i saw Cars today. cute movie. i kinda cried. lmao i'm a sucker for sad movies.. but yeah i really liked it. it talked about love and self discovery. ew english class. themes. i did learn something...... um, but anyways. i'm sitting here having a stomach ache after going like two full days without having one. ok one full day. lol i start drivers ed tomrrow and i feel like taking a walk. walks are great because they let me clear my head... but yeah. i'm not walking for some weird reason. if this were like waterford i'd be out there quicker than a hiccup. lol but its milwaukee. that never scared me. this stomach ache is killing me. i'm sitting here because i am sad. lol its PMS because i only get this worked up around this time of the month. i hate it, but it happens when you are felicia. umm, i hate how things are, but i've come to realize that this is how they are probably going to be. i did this with zach, i can do it with matt. granted it will take a while, especially when matt feels the need to criticize everything i do. not once have i heard something good come out of his mouth. half the time he was just bullshitting. i think he just wanted to be with me to be with someone. ooo, that makes the situation worse... but then again he wouldn't still be attached to me if he didnt feel something more. lmao what we had was feelings. lookin ass. yeah, feelings where if i broke up with u twice u'd let me come around a third time. haha. i'm just putting too much thought into this. i always put too much thought into everything. thats how i get myself confused. grrr... but anyways. this is me just trying to deal with you not being in my life anymore. i hate it because u can never leave me alone... u always got something to say. some stupid blog to write. lol i should talk, but seriously. i want you to stop because you claim that you can. let's see if it works this time. i dont really want you to go but if you claim that its for the best... then go ahead. i think you have hurt me enough for me to finally let you leave. but it doesnt mean that i wont still hold on. lol i always hold on. and i'll always be here if you ever want to come back because i know what that is like too... to need someone. so i will always be here. not that you will ever really care. but i know that you do because you're matt. lol i love how much of a bitch i act like on myspace, but sit knows the real me. its sad when i think that i want a friendship but then i think... "why aren't we friends? oh yeah because he hates me." its pretty damn sad and i cry every time i think about how you feel about me because i know that ur hurt and it is partly my fault because well it takes two to tango........ and i dont even hate you for hurting me, i hate you for the way you act now. you're too scared to talk to me and be friends. its so sad. and then you cover it up by saying i am a horrible person and that i have bad habits. i dont have bad habits. my bad habit is thinking that i am a horrible person. mentally i am in a horrible state but i dont use addictions to try and make myself feel better. i will give my self enough credit for that one. its all just a mental thing and i am having a hard time getting on the right track mentally. its sad. long story short. i just need to get my shit together. i am procrastinating. i dont know why. but things will get better soon, i promise.