A REAL MOTHER FUCKIN ENTRY BITCHby luvablelushh
ok, so i am deciding to open up... and write this entry... about everyone that has been on my mind for the past well, long time. Matthew- i love the kid, i really do. there is no doubt in my mind that i don't. getting back into the serious relationship world after being out of it due to the next person i am writing about, is a tough thing to do. i love how you can just be there for me, through anything. u make me forget about the rest of my life when we are together. u are truly amazing. u treat me a way no one else has ever treated me, like u reallly care. and i can tell because its something i've never felt before. i dont get attention from anyone that often, and with you, i get that and so much more. you have become my world and i've fallen way too hard to let go now. :) i'm just scared that one day u won't wanna catch me anymore. but as long as we stay the way we are, i wont need to worry so much and i will learn to live in the moment and not worry about the future or the past i love you. Zachary- most of you are thinking, wtf, this kid is still on your mind. well the answer is yes, but in a whole different light. tho he is barely on my mind, the fact that he is not there anymore still bothers me. *sigh* i would like to kno that i could count on him to be a good guy friend, because i dont have many of those.. well it hurts. it hurts to know that he cant look me in the eye. to kno that u cant even call, or WALK UP.. 12 more apartments to talk or to just say hi. u can use my pool, and not even think of me, or how much pain i feel. aha, i wish u could feel this pain. i wish u knew how bad u fucked me up. aha, for so long. but i guess thats just the way it has to be and i'm getting there, to the point where i can go a full day without u crossing my mind. :) u weren't supposed to be my enemy. we werent supposed to end like this. but its not worth my effort anymore. u just dont fucking care, do you? no i didn't think so, and that hurts. i guess friendship was 2 much 2 ask. but u insisted that u wanted it and yet u ignored me like i never mattered like we had nothing like u wanted to forget all the times like u were ashamed that u luved me & no i wasnt going to start it off because i wanted you to show me that u cared that u wanted to be there for me and to let me be there for you but i'll go on living life wondering how things would be if u lived up to ur word John- you're like my father, grandfather, brother. every male figure in my life that i lack, u are. u are such an influence on me. and i love how inspiring you are. u are an amazing person, and yes u often run through my mind and i think that some day i will be just like you! so smart, and so awesome! :) u are truly a great guy. and so smart, and nice, and funny as hell. omg, u kno everything about everything and i love everything about you. :) thank you for everything u have done for me and my entire family and thank you for the shit u will put up with from me in the future. :) think of this as an early warning of the shit to fly ur way. Dad- u will never read this, and thats probably for the best. u are an asshole on every level. you treat me like shit and u dont even do anything. ha! u have a bigger effect on me than u kno. yes, i want to spend time with you, yes, i want to be the little girl u want, yes, i just want you in my life. but unfortunately u have a better life that doesn't include me in it very often. just a phone call every 5 months when ur FUCKED UP telling me how much u love me and all that shit. u are a coward and can't even tell me how u feel when u are sober. ha, ass. but the best part about this, is that i will love you... a lot. forever, u are my father, and for some reason i still turn to you when i am feeling down. when we are together its like we were never apart. we dont know a damn thing about each other, yet we know it all. its amazing how u think i am this completely different person with no common sense, or intuition. its amazing how u tell me, LECTURE me about my consequnces, when u set such a FUCKED UP example for yourself. i want to get to know you, but u wont let me in. much like every other boy i kno. ur amazing. simply amazing. Mom- u have done so much for me, yet u haven't u have put me through shit that will only make me stronger, and for that i am thankful. u try to give us a good life, but somehow u seem to fuck that up too. we are close, yet so distant. u think u know it all, but hun u have no clue. its hard to say which side of you i love the most. one minute ur a compassionate mother, the next u are slut. i mean that in the best way. the fact that u are naive and stubborn at the same time is not a good thing. but i love it. i really do. because it teaches me how NOT to be. to not do the shit u do, to embed it in my brain that i will NOT be like you. not all, not one bit. i will not dwell on shit anymore like u do. u cant accept things can u? u are depressed because you let yourself become that way. i understand that u lost someone, *u think i didn't?* but i try to not let myself get down because of it. u try to be the best parent, and end up hurting me more and more with each drink, with each fight, with each stupid little thing u do. yes i know u are human, but could u set any worse of an example? could u be any more selfish with your life? i'm afraid of what those answers might be. Amanda- goddamn, it feels weird to even be typing with you. we have drifted, and it hurts. its me. mostly me. all me. ha! i just suck. i mean i didn't mean for it to be this way. its not about him. its about me, not staying in touch, not being there. not coming to you when i needed you. u were my rock for 2 years, i miss you so much. i miss every talk, every deep talk we had. every time u would help me out with everything. u gave me confidence because i knew that no matter what, u would still love me. still be there... through it all. u believed in me and now ur not here. what do u do when the one person that makes u truly believe that u care about them, leaves you? yes, i kno u need to go off and pursue the things that u need to, but its taken a toll on my soul (rhyme) and i miss the times, thats all. :( Andrea- yes, my love u are on my mind often. i wonder how school is for you. i wonder if i will ever see u again! LOL, i wonder if u are going to be the BIGGEST nerd i've EVER seen once we get back to school. i'm proud, yet i envy u on so many levels. i think "this girl is going to go so far, and she knows it." u are an inspiration to me, that if some stupid blonde can do this, then SO CAN I! :) i could never measure up to you, but u keep me on the ball and i love you for that. i love you for a lotta things. for being there when i need an escape from mom. *ahhh i could go for one of those* for getting in trouble with. for doing the dumbest shit possible, but making it the most fun because its with you, the person that is the most like me on so many levels. we are YIN AND YANG! :D for eva. :) Selena- aha, i doubt u will read this, or understand it for that matter. i hate how we are not close. i know there are so many years between us, but i wish that u would understand when i say shit. i mean well. i really do. i might bitch u out or rib u to the point where u are crying, but someone needs to toughen u up. if i wudda had a bigger sister like me, i wudda been much more tough and much more content with myself. u are such a smart girl, but easily manipulated. i hate that. ur just like mom. u go where the wind blows u. i wish u would realize that ur friends are not the most important people that there are. its more about, us. family. even tho family is too good of a term for us, thats what we are. thats what we'll always be. soon u will realize that dad isnt ur hero, and mom isnt that bad when she's drunk. i know someday u will realize. that i love u more than i show. cuz after all, u are my best sister. :D Me- ahhh, Felicia, the unworthy one. u are so hard on urself, all of the time. todos los dias. its sad, how u cant even live up to ur own expectations. how u arent smart enough, confident enough, pretty enough, skinny enough... for ur own liking. everyone in the world could tell u that u are the most gorgeous thing that they have ever seen but u wont fathom the fact that u are beautiful, inside and out. u feel unworthy because u have never felt needed in ur life. u have never felt the love that u wanted. that u dreamed, that u saw. its hard to take courage when u've never had anyone telling u, that no matter what they will always be there. ur parents love you, and they mean well, but they are only humans themselves. :( they make mistakes, they dont know when they are doing something wrong, they can be completely oblivious to the fact that u are even alive sometimes... but ur strong. thats the only thing that u take pride in, is your strength. ur world often spins out of control, but u somehow pull through. u dont need anything from anyone to make u be the strong person u are. u hate talking about how u feel, especially when its about something that is bothering you. emotions never came easily, and especially after thinking that u finally mattered to someone and being let down, its hard to bounce back. and u have someone that cares so much. u have so many people that care so much, and yet u push them aside sometimes, because u dont know how to handle having good people in your life because ur not used to that yet. to be close to someone is to feel weak, and immature. but maybe the one thing u need, is to be vulnerable to people that u know wont let you down. once u have trust in them, u can trust urself, to be the person u have always wanted to be. well, thats about it kiddies. finally a decent entry. about my feelings, this kinda shit is what sit is for. i am going to have this diary until i am fucking.... 89. :D , peace, and chicken grease. LOL
Read 88 comments
for ONE. thanks for the comment♥
and your diary is AWESOME, I LOVE IT! =]

anddd, the best friend thing is true isn't it?! i mean..what would we do without one?
yea, du hast can mean either one. but for the song it means " you have" love the changes in the diary btw, its very shexay!
Now if you still think it's too hard to quit eating meat, there is this great thing I will tell you about (if you are interested) and they send you all this free stuff to help motivate you. They give you a free vegetarian starter kit with all kinds of recepies and tips and health information. They are a non-profit organization that just want to help out the world. I think it's worth a shot. It would mean so much to me if you tried it. :)
...and if you don't do it for yourself, do it for the animals. They suffer so much and are mass produced. The animals with diseases and just filthy, are still slaughtered and turned into the meat you eat. The rule is: "If it's not dead yet, it's still good to eat" That means that even if an animal has maggots infesting an infection on it, you still eat it. Still hungry for meat?...
o0o i love your diary..the qoute is so cute!!..
...not be hurting anything if you just try it. People will respect you more and be like "Wow. She has the discipline to do that. That rocks."

And you have no idea how good it is for your health. Meat is injected with so much stuff to make it taste better, but it's all fake and bad for you.

Meat has so many diseases. If you found out what was in half the stuff you ate, you would gag just looking at it...
First of all, I like the stripes. Second of all, I've been a vegetarian for QUITE a few months. And third of all, it is not that hard to be a vegetarian. I thought that at first too, but it really isn't. People make it seem like it's such a hard thing to do and so difficult. But once you get over the first week, you're set for life. In all honesty, it's not that hard at all!

I think you should try it out. Just give it a try. You will..
i love to make you happy and i like the new layout
ha the only german i know, is wat ive learned from the rammtein cds haha
haha its ok, and no, It means you have...well It really could mean either one, but for the song it means u have. I think the difference is in the spelling...but im not entirely sure..
I know! hes one sexy dragon lol
your welcome and thank you for the exact same things
hitler was one sexy bitch. dontcha think? I took our pimp off my diary! yes yes it saddens me too, but he just didnt fit the theme...thing haha, but he will be back eventually aaha
god, i feel like such a comment whore lol
llama
my
for
sexy
too
im
grrrr...yea...thats all i got...intimidating isnt it? haha
AHHHHHH you got off!!!!! pppshhhh, now I must leave comments in anger!!! lol
it's been pretty hot during the day but I have AC in my house so it's all good =)

yeah, I love being home by myself. it's pretty easy for me though because I only live with my mom and she's pretty much always gone at work or her fiance's.

I like the new layout, by the way =)
[Anonymous]
This is a really cool entry. I suck at emotions too.
[Anonymous]
[Anonymous]
are you saying i made us drif

amanda
[Anonymous]
u shud make a new layout for me

:-D
[Anonymous]
cute new layout... u did the stripes b4 i did :p -ars
[Anonymous]
yadda yadda wat a sexy tiger...boom boom boom chuckalcuka
Yeah, the computer viruses are awesome, aren't they? I didn't make them up but boy are they great!
You are SO welcome! And thank you so much for giving it a try. You are supporting a very good cause. Have a great rest of the day and tell me how everything goes, ok? Just remember that if you ever feel like breaking down and giving up, I'm always here for support and moral help. :)

~*~Sarah~*~
MY SUMMA SUX!!lol Well im in Long Island so its not too bad. Hows urs??
haha rammstein? yea they have cds out there, they are pretty famous, you should they are great. and believe me, I look like a troll that was run over a dozen times! haha but I will take the chance of burning your eyes out hahaha
bye baby talk to you soon
hey u asked me how to do the border if i knew i would tell u my friend did it 4 me im soo sry i couldnt tell u how. I rele like ur diary!!
Haha.. 69. Great.
The best part about it is that you feel so good for saving all the animals and for being healthy yourself! I hope you really give it a shot and that you enjoy it. If you think it's too difficult or you don't like it, then that's okay. At least you tried it and saved an animal for one day. Thank you so much for doing this! You rock so much!!! Most people are like BITE ME if I try to talk to them about this... But you're hella cool.
cool where are u from..cuzz like i live in Penn. but i was orginally bron in new Jersey. but liek i listen to alot of country since i live in that kid of area.
...conformaion thing to your email so you can log in and be a part of it.

OH! Also, they are going to have a space for email address of the person that referred you... And mine is shmuckety_duck@yahoo.com

So you can put that in there. I hope you like it. They are really supportive. The site is a little confusing and if you need any help at all, I will help you anytime! Serously, if you need anything, come to me.
...So when you go there, there's a thing that says "Log into street team" and when you get there, click on the "register now" button.

Now I was kinda iffy about giving them my address cuz my parents are paraniod about that stuff. But they have to know where to send your stuff to, don't they? So just fill out the couple spaces to let them know where to send stuff to and your e-mail so they can contact you... and they will send a...
Wow. You're so sweet! Okay, all you have to do is click on the ad for PETA2 ad that I put on my diary that says "Factory farms aren't fairy tales...THEY'RE HELL!" And it takes you straight to the site. The server is kinda down right now, so I don't know if it will work at this moment but it will later. It does that sometimes because they don't have enough money. But anyways.....
oo who sings the song?
heh welcome, and yea I do, just made one a couple days ago...if you scroll down my entries ull find the link there ha. I could never become a vegitarian, I like meat :-( heh
when Cat saw willy.....He died. and Willy wonka was put in jail and charlie overtook the chcolate factory and every one ate walls for the rest of their lives.
damn, ahahah these comments are so pointless, hehe you had better love them, or...I will stuff marshmallows in your eyes!
not really, but that would be some funny shit. lol
this is nucking fus, Ive decided to become a porn star! ahaaha
Im gonna get to thirty comments before I stop ha cause im cool like that.
santa is fucking sexy. :-)
I like polar bears.
that would be damn sexy, dontcha think?
lovely story btw, loved all the comments I woke up to this morning. ha
I wanna a kitten...I think I should go steal some little kids kitten and run off laughing ha
haha i wanna have my diary until im 89 too :P umm ya i pretty much have liked all of your songs.
the end

wasnt it wonderful???????? I thought it was...but am I dont with the comments yet?? I donnnnnt think so...Now Im just going to leave stupid comments that dont make sense....I hope they make you smile! heh
and then Ill call you marsha!...or marshy...which ever one haha
so, one day..many many years after the gas station incident cat became a very good shoe maker and willy wonka came to get some shoes from cat...
Cat became really depressed and decided to become a shoe maker instead.
anywhoo i love u darling. ill open up too that way ull know how much i love u... i just dont have much to open up about ;-/ undecided face. Lol. I love you Felicia always know that.
So he became michael jackson *oh the horror* Annnyway. So Cat followed Mr.wonka to the gas station, and to his confusion saw him walking out of the gas station with a HERSHYS! chocolate bar
damn u get comments fast.. i was the first one but then i signed off for a minute and andrea was reading it while i was and then some other people ahh i just wanted to leave u a comment lol. Never give up ok hun. Never ever ever. Someday it'll all be ok. Someday. But as u know, good things come.... (I LOVE YOU). Have a better today.
Willy wonka leaving his factory. So Cat decided to follow him. Now, being the smart cat that Cat was, he knew that being a cat just woulndt cut it in getting a job at the factory
Yeah, I've always admired ur strength. But you really have to learn how to accept urself so you can accept the world around you. I think you are a great person and you have to know that you are... u really are. Im gonna start telling u every single thing u do thats perfect cuz u really are. so what.. ya keep saying ur parents are just human and bladidiadadad, but hun, you're just human too... and its human nature to feel blah about that.
this cats name is Cat and everyone calls him Cat.
Once day cat was on a hunt for food when he found...
there once was a cat. he live in....mexico...in a box! * so sad :-(* ha
holy shit.... you are fucking insane....Now, It is my turn to leave you many many many meaningless comments. are you ready for this biotch? I doooont think so! ahaha
read from the bottom up!! hehe...oh shit, im way past thirty now, arnt i? haha well hope you love the dumb comments! heh
i will think of you everyday like 5 times a day and i will be like damn i miss that girl tons i wish i could be with her right now

:)
he thnx, yea I thought it was quite sexy. and I added the tolkien quote on there. :-) wee i feel cool ahah and yea, mia is the name. but im called alot of things: masha(russian),mizz,mario,M, crazy bitch..hah :-P
hell yea, rammstein is fucking awesome! I looooove theeeemmm, apparently they do some crazy shit in concert too...ahaha soooo amsuing..weeeee
yadda yadda yadda yadda Do you like chickens? I DO! well....I like saying that I like chickens, I dont actually really like chickens though cause they are kinda ugly...anyway..yea...that was a sexy comment. YOU HAD BETTER LOVE IT. :-)
Now I have a question for you! do you have an aim sn or nething like that? Yes Yes I am a crazy bitch though. Its quite fun :-)
answer to question number 3! I dooo have a picture, but I am hideous so be afraid, very afraid ahahahaha
answer to question number 2! haha my other crazy ass friend and he cousin nicknamed me mario...I dont know why, but i found it amusing so that is why i signed my entry like that hah!
Answer to question number 1!...Yes they mostly are all german, But you can find out what the lyrics are in english, and from there, its quite easy :-P
grandparent till 30 31st leave for the lake of ozarks till the 8 10th leave for Melvin lake with my dad

i will cry tooo :(
haha sounds like the best plan i have heard since stripping on the ferris wheel tonight. im going to miss you when im gone for like the nest 3 weeks
you know there are ppl out there who WILL always be there for you, like me ;) i love you, hunny. and i promise, as soon as possible that i will be your escape from the world you seem to not like right now. as soon as i can. i promise. i would like you to know how much i care for you, and miss you, and want to be a part of your entire world. b/c w/o you in my life, felicia, my world would come crashing down and my heart would be left empty.
life was never meant to be easy, I think that the fact that it is so tough makes the reward of making our lives better later on even sweeter. It takes a very strong person to be stable and so strong willed to become better than what they were brought up to be. So keep trudging forward, all the pain will be worth while. seems like you have some wonderful people in your life,dont ever let them go, and everything will get eventually get better :-)
so enough of this violence. ha I have made enough comments to feel content now, so I will wait until you comment me again, and then i will leave more comments hahhahahahahaha :-)
oh shit, i went past 30, ooooh well haha anyway. so by this time we will have figured out how to live forever. so we let the people re populate and then start the process over again. cause Ive always wanted to kill zombies..and humans may not be zombies, but some of them are sure damn close haha
30!!! see, we can pretend that the people are zombies. that way the people we let live arent afraid of us. cause we cant kill everyone cause we need to let them re populate.
I dont want peace. well, maybe for the first 20 years, that way we can live up life and buy shit..but after that..once we move up from the presidential spot, to the world ruling spot. I want to fucking kill everyone.
almost at thirty!!!!...but I must disagree with one thing in your theory of world domination..or..country..domination haaha , and that isss...
Ok so maybe..Im just a tad..crazy, But hey! being normal is so not fun!
johnny depp is a sexy man...ugh..what I would do to....umm hah...nevermind ahahaahaha
thirty is a sexy number.
almost at thirty, arent you excited?