Mood: Not sure Music: "Julia" - The Beatles, White Album I was going to force myself to go to bed at midnight tonight. You know, try to get into the whole normal sleeping routine and whatnot. It's not working. So, I'll just ... write for a while in my journal. Yes, this normally wears me out. Or it could work me up. Let's hope the former happens. I didn't clean out my trunk today because it's been raining off and on all day, and because I've just been a tired and sore Seth. Why sore? I guess that while I was cleaning yesterday, I pulled some muscles that I didn't even know I had. I can't even move in bed without feeling this tremendous amount of pain in my lower back and hamstrings. My previous entry ... the last entry ... with the whole dream thing. Yeah ... that was something wasn't it? Definitely something. Just wish more people would comment on my dreams, though. Hopelessheart made a good point, though, when she said something about being hungry for people. Yeah, she's probably right. But then, I was in that cafeteria, surrounded by all of these people telling me how great I was and how much they loved me, and I was still hungry ... I also didn't fuck any of them. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was just with -one- person. I don't know. Maybe I'm hungry for just one person. But why was it, even after all of that, I was still hungry? Maybe I'm just a major whore in my dreams and my hunger for sex can never be fulfilled? Maybe my need for love can never be met. Or maybe my real body was just hungry because I hadn't eaten in almost twelve hours. Maybe it was saying "Hey, Seth! Wake up and feed me or I'll make your dreams give in to cannibalistic tendencies!" Or not. Could mean something completely different. And what's with the big dude with the gun? I just don't get it. I don't get it. Even Lindsay said she didn't know what to make of my dreams anymore. But you know ... I look back on that ... and I think it might make a good scene to write out for my novel ... if I could find a place for it. Anyway ... Tomorrow is the last day of school for Wayland Alexander Elementary. Should I go? Yeah, probably. McKenzie's going to move on to the 3rd grade! And I'm so proud of the little guy. He's been through so much, with the divorce and all. However, I was so happy that he was turning 8 on May 5th, and I was making such a big deal out of it and so happy for him; I said I'd be there for him that afternoon - but as it turned out - And I feel really bad for it - I had a final that afternoon, so I couldn't come. But I spoke with Ms. Calloway yesterday and she said that he wasn't even at school that day. You see, he has a tendency to miss a lot of school - because he wants to be home; sometimes he just doesn't feel like going, and the poor kid is going through a pretty tough divorce. His MOTHER is a little younger than I am. And he's 8 - what's that tell you? That she had him when she was at least 13 ... and she has two other children - and now the husband is leaving her. That -can't- be GOOD. So he's not there on his birthday. Poor guy. I miss him. Haven't talked to him since the 2nd. Yeah, it's been a while. And tomorrow's the last day of school, the last day I'll get to see him for a good, long while. Think I should go? I think I should. Odds are, though, that he won't be there tomorrow either. It's a chance that I'm willing to take. Plus, you know, there are other kids in that class that probably miss me, too. I'm sure April does. Actually ... I think she might have had a crush on me or something. Either that, or she was just really, really clingy. McKenzie reminds me a lot of myself when I was his age - the quiet, studious, somewhat popular yet reclusive type. He had friends, but he was very, very quiet. He seemed to open up to me, though. He loved to read to me. I even got to teach him in a drama gifted class. Ohhhh ... Let me tell you about that gifted class. Melissa's dad is a 2nd grade teacher at this school. This was the grade school that Melissa went to. This was the same gifted teacher that she had. Said gifted teacher knew that I was a very close friend of Melissa's - we'd met a few times - and she heard that I was majoring in fine arts AND elementary education. So she asks me if I'm involved with the drama group at my school and I said "yeah, I practically live in the play house and the fine arts center" - and she said - "How would you like to teach this little drama class I have coming up at 10?" Me: "Say what?" Her: "Yeah, we're doing drama. They need to work on different kinds of voices. You do a lot of vocal work. Here are some scripts. Have fun. See you in half an hour." And then she goes off to this meeting. Uhm ... I'd never actually TAUGHT before. At least, not a gifted class of 2nd graders. Every class I've taught was with a group of college students pretending to be children - and with a lesson plan. I've never taught - ever - without a lesson plan. And my first real teaching experience ever ... was this group of 6 gifted 2nd grade students, WITHOUT A LESSON PLAN. I'm ... so screwed. So I put on ye 'ole 4-H mindset (Yes, I was in 4-H ... did I do agriculture stuff? nope) and I talk to the kids like they were my younger siblings. I give them the scripts - The Ugly Duckling (goooooooo figure) - and I assign them parts. And then we go through some exercises - what ducks sound like, geese, old geezers, a farmer, ETC, ETC, ETC ... *sigh* What followed after that is exactly the reason why I refuse to babysit more than two children at once. So, all drama is, really, is just a big game of pretend. Which is what I had them do. Areas were set off for the nest, the pond, the field, the lake, the barn and so on and so forth. I told them to begin. It starts off okay ... But then they start to get LOUD. And move around a lot. You know, actually, they are all excellent actors and actresses for their age, and they could be great - but they NEED TO FOCUS! FOCUUUUUUUUUUUS! Complete mayhem. Much high-pitched, squealy laughter, shouts did ensue. Melissa's father even came down the hall and opened the door while all the kids are doing their thing - and I shout "FREEZE!" And they all freeze in their poses. That was funny - but Melissa's dad was like "Just a little loud. We can hear you down the hall." Oh, the joys of teaching. I guess I'm more suited for outdoor classrooms. Ah, hell, I know I am. But, anyway. I finally found a way to get the kids under control - count to five. Once I got to five, we weren't going to do that anymore. And I never, ever ever want to see Luke ride TJ like a horse ever again ... TJ's just so small. Eeeehhhhhhhh ... it just didn't look right - not for a 2nd grade classroom. And so, while we're in the middle of Mr. Glover's 10:00 2nd Grade Gifted Class's Adaptation of RAPUNZEL, the real gifted teacher comes in and says "All right. Class is over. Run on back to your rooms now." And the kids are all like "aww" and I'm thinking "oh man, I love you!" Yyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. That first five minutes, I was ready to pass out. But after about 15 minutes, I'd finally gotten the hang of it, and it wasn't so bad. Just wish I'd been given some sort of lesson plan. The gifted teacher told me that she was sorry for doing that to me, but she thought that I needed the experience - And, it'd just been laid on her that morning what she was going to do and she had NO fucking idea, and thought that maybe I would know of a better way to teach the class than she did since I was majoring in the fine arts field and all. Wow. I felt so honored then. But at least I got my first real dose of teaching, you know? *sigh* It's late, I should be going to bed. ___________________________________________________________________________ Subaru

.hack//Sign Character Selector
brought to you by Quizilla ((Hrm ... really? I don't really think so, but then - I don't know. I don't hate people or think all grown ups are out to get me. And my unconscious isn't exactly stuck inside a computer either, neither do I have this huge staff and gooey dumb bell looking thingy hovering around me. Oh well - these quizzes are just for fun anyway.)) __________________________________________________________________
Reeve

A quiz to discover which Final Fantasy 7 Shinra character you are.
brought to you by Quizilla ((Aww yeah. Now THAT's what I'm talking about. I love Reeve. He was so cool. I think Cait Sith was sadly over-looked and not given near enough the credit he deserved. Kind of puts me in the mood to play the game again. Too bad David sold it and the playstation so he could afford a Gamecube. Damn you, Nintendo. All you're good for is Zelda, anyway.)) ______________________________________________________________________ Blessed be.