I slept. THANK MORPHEUS THAT I SLEPT LAST NIGHT! I love you, Dream - you are a beautiful, beautiful Endless entity. You've been so good to me these past two nights. Please, please, please be good to me still. I went to bed last night at 12:15. I didn't wake up again until 8:30 - I was pretty much awake. I wrote down keypoints in my dream so that I could remember it to type of later - and then I actually was able to watch SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS. Given ... they all SUCK nowadays. I miss Ghostbusters, Escaflowne and Sonic ... the good Sonic, you know? Back with the Freedom Fighters - with Princess Sarah, Tails, and Antoine. Ohhhh yeah. Not that sucky Disney shit they have now. Oh! And Highlander the Animated Series - with Quentin McCleod and his little sister Clyde and ... yeah, I'm probably the ONLY person that remembers that show. Oh! And Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - or was that a weekday afternoon thing? You know, when I look back on it, Ninja Turtles was a really stupid plot and idea ... I mean ... 15-year-old turtles who learn to be ninjas and have a rat as their master ... wha? Yeah ... it was kind of silly ... but it was so cool! So was Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures and Back to the Future ... yeah ... I'm probably the only one who remembers those, too. Oh well. Why did I go off on telling all of those cartoons anyway? I forget. I guess I'm just in a good mood this afternoon. I went back to sleep after cartoons - because they pretty much suck now ... except for X-Men: Evolution and ... maybe Yu-gi-oh. I mean, it's pretty okay, Yugi is. I think some people look down on it and just say that it's like an animated series based on Magic cards or something - but it has a plot, actually. You know ... I'm just really drawn to and very curious about that being that stuck inside little Yugi; I want to find out who it is - personally? I think it's the pharoah that made the cards. Yep ... why am I talking about this? I'm sure I could talk about something more interesting. Surely, I could. Oh yeah! The toaster. I made the toaster go "boom" today. Yes, I did. It even somersaulted once before plunging toward the floor but being stopped by it's cord ... it hanged itself, I think. Poor thing. If only it would have TOLD someone that it was hurting, and felt used and ... poor thing. There was more to it than just toasting bread, bagels and poptarts, you know? Alas, poor Sunbeam, we barely knew ye. I'm doing better today - in a good mood despite mourning the loss of the toaster. This has been enough excitement to last me for a whole week. Maybe. Anyway ... a dream to talk about. I think there were more than one - because I remembered way too much for it to be just one dream. So I probably woke up briefly inbetween dreams and that's how I remember so much ... Dream: I'm on a boat - in the captain's place. It's a big boat, a boat that Roy Scheider would be proud of. I'm on the bridge, at the window, just staring out. Randi's at the wheel, being all giddy and wearing this pretty ... interesting furry hat. She's singing that song from Alice In Wonderland - the one that Captain Dodo sings. "The sailor's life is the life for me, bade dum honk honk and a bottum-dum-dee and I never never ever have to think about the weather" ... something. She's having the time of her life at the wheel, and I'm just staring at the deck outside. I can see parts of other boats. I don't know where we are, but I know we're not going anywhere ... not yet. I have a feeling that ... these boats are my boats - and I'm getting them to somewhere, like they're needed for something, but not yet. Townsgirl is out on the deck with Jody. They're sitting on this bench thing just lounging back in the sun, talking about whatever. I don't know, I can't hear them. I remember thinking that I'm thirsty and how badly I wished that I had something to drink. And I hear a guy speak softly to Randi - it's Sonata's voice ... but then ... it also kind of sounds like Evan, too. He says something like "getting a little over-excited, aren't we? We're not leaving for a few days yet." And I'm about to turn around to look, but then I'm met by him handing me a cup of apple juice and him saying "I remembered you don't like water" ... and of course I down the whole thing; I don't even come up for air until it's all gone. I drop the cup, and as I'm turning around, I hear Randi shout out jokingly "Ahoy! Litterbug!" And I just stare at Sonata ... only ... it's not quite the man from the last couple of nights ... no. He looked like Evan - it was Evan's face, Evan's body ... but Sonata's black hair ... Sonata's gold eyes. I know what's happened. I flash. And I can remember what's happened. Memory - from touching him. Evan is in the room where I sent him through the painting that night. Sonata is there, too ... standing in those curtains, somewhat silhouetted by sunlight. Evan's standing in the middle of the room. Sonata's talking to him. He's saying something like "I love my nephew very much, but I know that you understand the love I feel more than you realize." Evan says "You? Love him? That's ... sick." And Sonata says "Is it? Is it so very sick and wrong? Think on that ... love is a strange thing. It strikes where least expected, and it leaves a painful, ever-lasting sting if not struck back. I wish he would love me as he loves you." "And you think this will work?" "Yes. You get the power you have always wanted to protect him and guide him ... and I will know what it is like to have him return my love ..." "Two in one." "Two in one." "All right, then. Why not?" Then I flash back to staring at him. I know what's happened. Sonata and Evan melded. Sonata went inside of him. It's still Evan but ... more powerful - Sonata's in there ... somewhere. Evan is ... one of my kind now ... but he's still Evan. It's difficult to describe. I'm not angry, I'm not confused or afraid ... I can't describe how I feel - but I feel as if it's the first time I've seen him in ages ... "I'll just be going now," Randi says and then she's just ... gone. He touches my face, and it's just so soft that I just feel ... intoxicated. He kisses me, very soft; he kisses my jaw, my shoulder, my neck. He whispers "don't be angry" to me. And I don't say it, but I think it - that "I'm not angry, I'm just happy to see you again." I don't remember what happened after that, but the next thing I know, I'm in this sort of bedroom on the boat, and covering Evan with the sheets. He's sleeping - and he's smiling. I get dressed - and it's something that I haven't worn in a while. All black, long sleeves, boots, jeans ... everything. But the sleeves and legs have these black buckles on them. I don't know why. Buckles around the sleeves, the torso, the legs, the thighs. But when I walk, I'm completely silent. It's strange. I became lucid at that moment - I was aware of what was going on. I go to Evan, kiss his cheek, and then I'm gone. I'm phasing through the walls of the boat - and before I know it, I'm on land just ... running. I lift up from time and time again, jumping from treetop to treetop - like ... Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon style, you know? Then I phase into this rather large building's wall and I'm just running through halls, running through walls and doors ... people inside are freaking out, because they'll see me, and then I'll be gone - and they're all on alert, like I'm not supposed to be in there. I even hear the word "intruder" a few times. Eventually, I become very stealthy and no one notices me ... then I phase through this one last wall ... and I'm very slow and hesitant. But I'm in that girl's bedroom again - she's on the bed still, and I'm slightly behind her, still half in the wall. She's awake, though, and sitting up. And suddenly, I'm scared and I concentrate and close my eyes ... and I'm invisible - I know I am. My third eye works again. I can see her looking around the room, like she knows someone's there. But then all of these people come in, and there's shouting. Things like "Are you all right? Did he come in here?" And she just stares at them, then says "No, he's not here." Then one of the men orders the others to leave, to fan out and search for him ... me. Then he says something to the girl, kisses her cheek and leaves. And we're alone again. And it's quiet for a minute before she says, very softly. "Are you in here? If you are, you can come out now." And that breaks my concentration, my eyes open, I'm visible again. "You don't have to be afraid of me." I just hug myself very tightly as I move away from the wall ... I'm standing right beside her, but I just stare at the floor, can't look to her - though I can feel her looking at me. I want to tell her that she should be sleeping and resting, because I know she's not well, and I think it, but she says to me "It's hard to sleep with all of those alarms going off." I wanted to tell her that I was sorry about that, but she says "Don't apologize. It's all right." It's like she can read my thoughts. I start to feel very strange. I can't describe it. It's not a bad feeling, though ... but it is a feeling that makes my breathing change pace. She motions for me to come closer. She says "come here; sit down" - and I obey. I sit beside her on the bed, hugging my knees and staring at the sheets, but I'm facing her ... I'm perpendicular to her. I'm afraid now ... of being caught - I wasn't so much before in this dream, but now I have the feeling that someone's coming and I'm going to be caught. I want to touch her ... I want to hold her ... I want it so badly - but I'm just so afraid. She says "Go on, don't be afraid." She raises her hand at me, palm facing me, but I can't see it - she keeps coaxing me softly "go on, it's okay" like I was a frightened, stray animal. I feel like she's in pain. I'm still hesitant, but I raise my hand, too, very slow. And it takes a little more coaxing from her before my fingers actually touch her palm. I raise my other hand, my breathing's getting strange again - and she raises her other hand, too, and very carefully I touch that one, too ... She whispers something to me, but I don't remember what it was she said. I remember clasping her hands in mine very carefully, and then kissing her fingers. I feel like my kisses are doing something to her, and I can feel her eyes widen, so I stop, but then -she- is the one to grab -my- hands. She says "thank you" right as I'm thinking about how I brought her something - I don't know what that something was, I mean, I didn't give her anything. She tells me to come closer. I do. I close my eyes and lay down beside her, and she wraps her arms around me while I lay my head on her shoulder. I hold on to her. I let my guard down ... I feel ... happy, relaxed ... like I've finally found something that I've been searching for, for a long, long time. I smile - and she says to me "I've been waiting to see you smile again." And I hold her a little tighter - because ... now I can. And we just hold each other for a long time. And suddenly I start thinking that everything is going to fast ... And then she starts to sing for me ... and her voice is beautiful ... so very beautiful - but it hurts my ears. Hurts my head. I feel like I'm suffocating - but I'm lucid in this dream - I know what's going on. So I try to stop it, to wave it off, so I can listen, because her voice is just so beautiful - but I can't; I end up gasping for air instead. And that makes her stop suddenly, and she holds me tighter and says something like "I'm sorry. I forget sometimes." And then I start to be afraid again - not of her - but because I feel someone coming. And then a bunch of people suddenly burst through the door ... they've come to take me away - But instead of running this time, I cling tightly to the girl. I hear all of these voices in my head that say "you shouldn't be here." Then I hear the girl say something, loudly, but I don't remember what it was. But I feel hands grab me and try to take me from her, but I just cling to her as tight as I can. But ... that's not good enough - and the second my hands leave her, I hear her scream "No!" or "Let him go!" Then I yell out suddenly - though my voice is still quiet, and just barely there, as it had been the night before. I say "What do I do? Tell me what you want me to do!" And then I wake up. Blessed be. 15 DAYS UNTIL MIDSUMMER CELEBRATION! ____________________________________________________________________
Individuality

Which Life Stage Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla ___________________________________________________________________
Uriel: One of the busiest angels, one of prophecy
and creativity. Concidered to be
represenatative of the sun, and one of the most
beautiful archangels ever. Of course that could
just be vanity...

Which Angel Lays Within You?
brought to you by Quizilla ((Looks like I have Raphael AND Uriel inside of me. Hrm ... interesting.)) _________________________________________________________________
You're an Artist!

What JTHM Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla ((Oh yay! Except ... I do need people.)) ___________________________________________________________________
You are Brian Molko!

Who are you?
brought to you by Quizilla ((I feel so ... accepted. And ... damn, he's hot ... But you know what? This quiz was stupid beyond ... well ... stupidness.)) _________________________________________________________________________
Ashe Corvin

Which Crow Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla ((Ah ... I love Vincent ...)) ______________________________________________________________
Are you alright? You probably hear that alot even
if you aren't depressed. Smile once in a while,
it's not going to kill you.

How do people see you?
brought to you by Quizilla ((Yeah. I get that a lot ... I try to smile, though. I really do.)) Must ... stop ... taking quizzes. No more quizzes today for Seth! I swear! *runs off to write for a while*