I think I'll go to class tonight with my hair done up like Robert Smith's from The Cure. I'm sure that'll lighten the atmosphere for the big test we're taking ... that I'm a little NERVOUS about. Okay, a lot nervous ... On a lighter note, the mark on the back of my right hand has faded to the point of invisibility. It's gone. Gone gone gone. This is a good thing, right? And I just watched the new Evanescence video ... you know, the one for "Going Under." Where they amongst all of these "monster" type people ... and they perform, and when they're done, and Amy sings the last note - then BAM! all of the people are normal concert goers again. Do they ... read my journal or something? Do they? Because, if they do, I wish they'd tell me. I like to know who read about my dreams. Because I had a dream similar to that ... quite a while ago, where these two girls put on a concert for all of these people in a dark, closed space ... and they were chanting, and when these girls performed something was supposed to happen to the members of the audience - they were supposed to be cleansed or ... exercised or something. Evil was supposed to be taken from them, making them free of mind control and puppetry. And as I watched the video for "Going Under" ... I couldn't help but notice the similarities. Maybe ... maybe one of the members of the group - or the director or something - shares dreams with me to ... maybe he or she was in that dream. If they were, I wish they would tell me ... That dream, I talked about in the entry I called "Silent Reverie" ... dated for June 12th, 2003. Something has definitely happened in dreams. Yes, something has definitely happened. I'm not with anyone I know any more. I'm around all of these people ... that I've never seen before. First dream: The dream Me is left-handed ... I've mentioned that before, I think. I, too, am left-handed in some ways, but not for writing and fencing - that is strictly a right hand thing. This dream was very dark ... and by dark, I mean dim with lots of people wearing black. And, there's his cavern ... casam ... ravine thing, that I'm about halfway up, and it has one of those rope bridge thingies crossing it - you know the kind, the one with the wooden bottom that look like it's going to fall through if you step on it. And I know there was more that happened before this point, but I can't remember it. But I'm on one side of this bridge, and this man is on the other. And we have to fight, we have to sword fight - I have to beat him, I have to kill him. He has dark hair and a goatee, and he's dressed like a priest - black suit, white collar, but he has this cloak on over it, looking all ... aristocratic or something. And we meet in the center of this bridge and just start ... fencing. And ... there's dialogue - he's talking a lot, but ... I don't remember a word that was said - I just keep fighting him, I'm determined to beat him, to knock him off the bridge - and I'm making him back up and back up ... And there's this black curtain on the cliff on his side, and I get him to back up all the way to that ... and he goes behind it - and I slash into it, and he's suddenly quiet - and I flip back the curtain with my foil - and I realize ... that I've cut off his left arm. I mean ... I can see the bone ... it's a clear cut ... it's creepy, it's haunting, and it's still so dim and dark in the dream. And I'm screaming at myself - inside my head - screaming at myself to stop, "what are you doing? you don't want to kill anyone" - and suddenly I just stop and stare at this man ... but it's too late ... I've killed him. And his eyes are wide as he's staring down at me, and he takes his last breath, falling forward, toward me - And I wake up. Second dream: This dream, was mainly just flashes. I was on the second floor of this building that is invisible to people outside ... it's in the middle of this town, but no one notices it, because no one can see it ... no one but those like me ... my people. And I'm inside of it. (Lately, my dreams have been filled with buildings that are invisible to people.) And it's like ... this building, inside of it ... it's like a museum/zoo ... there are all of these exhibits and animals that run freely throughout the building. And the place is lit with fluorescent lights - have I ever mentioned how much I hate them? How cold they make me feel? And there's all of these people ... all of these people I don't know. TONS of them, and they're all hunting through the building for the hummingbird. They have to catch the hummingbird ... if they catch it, then they get this big, big reward. And I don't want them to catch the hummingbird - any of the hummingbirds. Not only is the hummingbird one of my spirit animal guides - but it's also my name in dreams. "Kolibri" is a name of mine in the dream world, and "kolibri" is German for hummingbird. In a way, I feel that if they catch the bird, and cage him, giving him to whoever for whatever reason - it would be like catching me, and caging me, too ... So I run ahead of all of these people - it's like they can't see me - I just keep running. I know exactly where the hummingbird is ... and it's such a beautiful, tiny ruby-throat ... If I catch him first, and take him away, far far away from there, no one will ever get him - or me ... and suddenly I find him, sitting on a branch near the wall of this small room ... and there's all of these people coming in behind me, looking around, trying to find him ... and I just dash out my arms, and grab him - and he lets me hold him ... and I just start backing myself against the wall, cradling the bird. I got him first, he's mine, and he's safe now, because no one notices me ... but there are so many people piling in that I feel like I'm suffocating ... it's such a small room ... And I wake up. Last Dream: I'm young. 14 maybe. I'm at this school. The first thing I can remember is this old man being locked up in this room at the school - he used to be a professor there, until he started killing the students - I forgot his reasons for doing it, though. But they're keeping him alive and locked away for the time being. But he liked to read, and I was in charge of bringing him food and whatnot ... and I knew he was bored, so when I bring him his food, I have this really, really thick book with it ... to give him something to read ... He likes me ... I mean, he really likes me. I can't explain it. But he likes me. He's fond of me. But that's the last I see of him. And in this school, I'm attending classes with people like me - dark people. And there's all of these texts, but they're different than they should be ... and it's so weird ... because they seem to change the history from what I know - even biblical history. There was something that said that some of Jesus' disciples were gay ... and that Joseph (as if in the dream reader) that two of his brothers were gay and incestual ... And I just step in on this one class - and it's dark in there, because the professor is using the projector while lecturing ... and he saw me standing at the door and then suddenly boasted to the class about how good of a student I was - about how I'd read the texts and how far ahead I am from the rest of them ... and that he wanted to give me an award - but I forget what the award was. But as all of the students lay their eyes on me, and I just want to back out of the room - I wake up. And that's it. That dream ... was so so strange. So very, very fucking strange. That's all I can talk about now ... that's it ... no more. No no no more. I have to get ready for this test ... I just have to. Everything's so weird today. It's like I'm still asleep almost ...