Unreal seemed like a good mood. Don't try looking up the song I have for "listening to" okay? She doesn't have a record deal ... yet. Yeah, Melissa, I found that tape you made for me. I keep listening to it over and over. You have a hauntingly beautiful voice, you know? And your music ... wow. You and Amy Lee should do a duet sometime. And what's with this you wanting to rename your band Tanager? *looks innocent* I mean, I know you don't really have a band, and you're pretty much a one-woman show but ... whatever happened to Halo? Is it because that was the name of your band back in high school? And you're no longer together and the name just feels like it belongs to that group? You're so novel. I think Tanager is a good name. And, it actually seems more fitting for your personality and style of music than ... Halo. Halo seems like it should be the name of a more Christian group - don't take offense! But, yeah, Amanda's better off keeping that name and you just taking on a new one. You can have Tanager, I don't mind. I'm sure that the character wouldn't mind either. In fact, I think he'd be down-right flattered. Besides, you always did have a thing for the colors black and red. As for you other journal-reading persons - I'll explain Tanager another time. Today is a dream entry. I woke up this morning - yes, morning, meaning I actually got out of bed BEFORE noon ... because someone called from the insurance company and David wasn't home to pick up the phone so it just rang and rang and rang until the machine picked up and ... yeah. I had to get up to make it stop beeping. The beeping drives me mad. I wish I knew how to turn that blasted beep OFF. Anyway, I only remember one dream. Well, actually I guess it could count as two - but I only woke up for a few seconds in between and went back to sleep again. Oh, and just for the record, Tylenol PM didn't do SHIT for me. I guess it's back to Ambien. Here I sit, playing with the hem of my shirt, when I should be typing out my dream. Dream One: Kittens. All I have to say is just ... kittens. I'm in the woods at night, traveling around on some sort of all-terrain vehicle. I think it's a jeep. Evan is beside me, but I'm not driving this time, he is. He won't let me drive. I'm a little irritated - probably because of that. I'm mostly watching the ground, but I glance at him every now and then. I'm sitting strangely, though, in the seat, just hugging my knees and watching the ground. I don't even have my seatbelt on - which is weird, because I ALWAYS wear my seatbelt in real life (ISSUES). I hear Evan sigh a little frustratedly and then I start to bite my knee ... ((I chew on things - Freud calls it underdevelopment of the oral stage in life - meaning that my mother probably stopped breast and bottle-feeding me before I was ready to take on solid foods. Hence, the reason why I chew gum so much, chew on hair, my fingers, chew on the shoulders and sleeves of my friends, and smoke on occasion. It's a psychological need. On with the dream ...)) Evan starts talking to me finally, after we've been driving around for a while. "This isn't working is it?" he says. I turn my eyes toward him, but I keep chewing on my knee. I don't say anything. He goes on. "You're not falling asleep, are you? No, of course you aren't. I can't drive forever, Seth." He slows down the jeep and puts it in park. He turns and looks at me. "This used to work and - stop that." He takes my head from my knees to keep me from biting them and forces my legs down. "You have to sleep, Seth. You can't keep going on like this." I suddenly jerk and jump out of the jeep, alert - because I sense something. I hear a very weak group of young "mews" ... there's more than one ... there's more than two, actually. I'm suddenly frantic, I go searching through the fallen branches and leaves in the jeep's light ... I can hear Evan calling for me and chasing after me. And then suddenly I see this small grey and white-striped kitten, probably just barely old enough to eat solid foods. I kneel down beside it, and it just comes to my hands. I pick it up and hold it, and though it is still "mewing," I can hear others. I scan around ... and there are at least two others - orange/white-striped kittens walking around in the leaves, coming toward me ... and there's a box - a large, cardboard box, near a birch tree, and I rush over to it, and find four other kittens in there - one is a tabby. They are all the same age. I start to pick up the ones on the outside, and put them all in the box. I'm going to take them back with me. And Evan can read me like a book. "You can't keep them all." He knows my inability to turn away strays - he knows that I'd fear for the kittens' lives if they were to stay out in the middle of the woods alone - possibly running the risk of starving to death or being eaten by other predators in the forest. I'm still holding on to that first grey and white-striped kitten that I picked up, and it climbs up my chest and onto my shoulder, mewing. I pick up the box with the other six kittens, and keep looking around, hoping that I didn't miss any - hoping there's not any more left out there. And the kitten on my shoulder starts to knead at my jacket, and it tries to curl up and roll around, but it almost falls off and catches itself by clawing into my back and climbing back up on my shoulder. Evan stares at me all the way back to the jeep, and as I'm putting the box in the back. "I hope you plan on finding homes for all of them. You can't keep them all, you know." I just look at him as I take the kitten from my shoulder and cradle it again, climbing back into my seat. He stands next to me and just stares at me as I pet the kitten. He sighs and climbs back into the driver's seat. "Fine, you can keep that one." I smile at him. The kittens in the box are starting to get quiet, but the one I hold still mews, and starts playing with my hand. We start to move again and I wake up. I wrote this down. It seemed significant. It made me think about that first part of "Dictator" that I posted yesterday - with Nathaniel/me being tricked by the meowing in the forest. In that dream, I had some sort of connection to cats, but I couldn't remember why. I think that, in my dreams, cats mean a lot to me, even though I can't remember why. What if I, in my dreams, really can't remember anything up until a little over 3 years ago? I honestly think that my dreams now, and the Dictator dreams are connected somehow. I looked up "Cat" as a spirit animal in the Shamanism guide I have bookmarked on this computer. This is what it says about "Kate" and the cat's wisdom: Cat's wisdom includes: Independence Seeing the unseen Protection Love Allows us to dream its dreams Assists in meditation Ability to fight when cornered Yeah ... I just kind of stared at the page for a long, long time ... I don't really know what to make of it. Second dream: It's still night out, I'm sitting in a chair by a window, petting the kitten in my lap. She's asleep. I'm in pajamas - real pajamas. White ones, with long-sleeves and a button-up top. It's a smooth cloth, and it feels cool. I'm barefoot, and I'm comfortable, just petting the kitten and staring out of the window - moreso staring at my reflection in the window. I look ... pale. It's barely capable of telling where the clothes end and where my flesh begins. I see a door open in the reflection, and Evan step through it, close it, come toward me. He sets something on the table beside me - a glass of water, and a small mauve pill. I turn my head and look at it, then sigh and stare at the window again. Evan starts to massage my shoulders, and I watch his reflection. He's staring at me. He starts to speak. "You can't stay awake forever." I look at the pill again, then at the kitten. "Seth, just take it." I shake my head "no" and stand up, walking away from Evan's hands to put the sleeping kitten in the chair in my place. He says "have you thought of a name for her yet?" I haven't, but I don't answer him, I just take to pacing and hugging myself. "Sleep," he says. "I can't," I whisper back. It's the first time I remember speaking all night. "Take it then, it will help you." "No." Evan is quiet for a little bit, and then he just comes to me and grabs me. I just stare at him - I'm just staring. I remembered something in the dream, but I can't remember it now that I'm awake. Evan just stared back at me, and then he kissed me - deep and long. I could feel his tongue in my mouth - and I felt it push something into my throat. It gets caught, I gasp, and I swallow. I step back from him. It was the pill. He tricked me. I pull away from him, but he grabs me again and says "I don't want to lose you." And then finally I just grab his shirt and pull close to him. He starts to kiss my neck as he wraps his arms around me again. I feel myself fall back onto a bed, feel myself bounce once and then Evan pushing me down into the mattress, kissing me. I feel myself panting. I feel his kisses all over my neck and shoulders, feel him start to unbutton my top ... I feel like we are about to make love - but then I wake up. I don't know if we did or not - I tried to go back asleep, because it felt so good to just be there with someone, to be kissed, to be held ... but then the phone rang ... repeatedly, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I think I'll take a nap, though ... yeah. I'm going to take a nap. Yeah ... just ... end. ____________________________________________________________________
The white dragon of mechs
What's Your Anime Weapon? This isn't just any-ol mech. This is the Escaflowne. This baby can morph into a sleak and aerodynamic dragon form. It is very strong and bonds with it's selected pilot. Once bonded, the pilot becomes one with Escaflowne...which also means whatever damage the mech recieves, the pilot gets as well. ((Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.)) _____________________________________________________________________
I've come to take you.
What character from a creepy anime are you? ((I'll ... have to look this one up. I have no idea who this is.)) ________________________________________________________________ Blessed be.