I have a feeling this will be a long entry. "Whatever (I Had a Dream)" Butthole Surfers TYBALT SPEAKING: Peace? I hate the word. As I hate hell, all Montagues. I had a dream last night 'Cause it looked just like a dream I had a dream last night But it looked unlike a dream Mercy, mercy, I'm made of parts Make me a suit so I can get it off Heaven help my head is spin'n round Stop this airplane cause I got to get down I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove Here's to the Montagues, John Wayne, and Bette Davis And Romeo, he waved before this chorus girl and beggars hair Juliet is up in heaven, a pocket full of pills And Jesus drives to Mexico, to get her prescription filled I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove I was a scream last night It was getting kinda fun (yeah, rock out, whatever) I had a dream last night, because she looked just like a dream I had a dream last night, because she looked just like a dream She was on fire last night, and I was breathing gasoline I had a dream last night, and it fit me like a glove I had to scream last night Lord of Love I didn't know where to shake my butt Walked backwards, fucked like a fox I was more fucked up than your sister's tackle box Three a.m. at five o'clock And one of us leaves, and I got shot! Shot me down Yeah, whatever, rock out That's it, that's my rhyme, take it to the streets, bitch. Been singing that since I woke up this morning. Pretty much anytime I hear someone say "I had a dream last night" - the phrase "and it fit me like a glove" immediately pops into my head; sometimes I'll sing it. I'm just weird like that. Can't help it. I love the song. Catchy ... in a dark, morbid sort of way. You know, I had a dream last night ... (... and it looked just like a dream ...) A baby was abandoned at the steps of the large mansion/school. It had dark hair, and it looked kind of ... Asian or Native-American; and it felt so warm and soft ... But this baby was different ... it looked like a normal baby, but it belonged to a race or something called "Cham" or "Cam" - pronounced "kam." (I guess like ... chameleon or something.) And no one wanted this baby around, but I took care of it. I told them that it was still a helpless infant and deserved a chance - a new life untainted by the rest of his people. So I took care of him ... I took care of this baby. I hadn't given him a name, but I fed him, bathed him, changed him, clothed him, carried him around all nice and snug in a basket with blankets and a pillow ... I mean, I was set on giving this baby the love and care that he deserved. I was treating him like he was my own child. He was such a good baby. So quiet. Not temperamental at all. So young ... couldn't have been more than a month old. And I just carried him around with me everywhere I went, giving him cuddles and love, a bottle when he needed it ... Then we had to go somewhere, on a plane. And I boarded, with the baby in its basket, and the guy in charge of the trip said "you can't bring him. He's a Cham. He can't come." and I just gave this man a death look. And he looked back at me, sighed, hung his head, and said "Yes, sir" and let me take my seat. And I just played with the baby as we started moving. This baby, this young personality, made me feel so ... happy. So very, very happy. He made me smile. He made me feel as though I had a sense of purpose, or a reason to be - you know? A reason to keep going, to keep living and be the best I can ... just for him. And we get to where we're going - and it's some kind of auditorium, but it's just where a bunch of people are hanging out; there's no plays or concerts or anything, it's just a bunch of people lounging around in this dark auditorium - and the stage is lit by these violet lights. I put the baby's basket in an aisle seat - he was sleeping, and I was being pulled away to do something, something that required my full attention. I felt it was justified to leave the baby there, nearby, because I had seen many parents do the same thing as they turned away to talk to people. I forgot what it was that I had to be pulled away for, but when I got back - the basket was still there but the baby was gone, and there was someone sitting in the aisle seat - A man, with long-ish grey hair and pale skin, wearing indigo clothing, looking a bit ... sinister - And I immediately didn't like this person because he was giving me this sly smile like he knew something I didn't - and I kept asking him over and over again "Where is he?" And he didn't answer me, he kept saying something else - but never answered my question - kept looking all evil and saying things, but I can't remember what they were. And I finally screamed at him to "Give him back." And he walked away. Then came back, holding the baby. He said something as he handed the baby to me, I can't remember what he said - I was too busy consoling the crying child, holding it close, stroking the back of its warm head - and making a personal vow never to leave him unattended again. He stopped crying, and I just kept stroking his head upon my shoulder and cuddling him, kissing him, soothing him to let him know that everything was all right. And that's all I remember of that dream. I didn't know what to make of it. When I woke up, I thought that maybe it was my paternal instincts kicking in ... like, I really, really want a baby. I want to take care of a child - even a child that shouldn't be, that no one wants, that has so many problems ... I'll still love him. I don't have the money or the time for a child right now. Nor do I have a partner to help me care for him, or a stable life. I don't even have a steady job - and I defintely couldn't afford adoption. Maybe it's an excitement of the new nephew or niece that's coming soon. Less than eight months now. And David and Shannon are getting married the day after Thanksgiving - because the family will still be in the area for it. It's still a bit of a wait ... until my nephew or niece is born - and even though he/she won't be mine, I'll still give this child the things that I was deprived of in my adolescent years. I'll give him/her so much love that he/she might feel smothered - but at least know that he/she is loved. I looked up babies in my dream directory. This is what it had to say: "As an object in dreams, a baby or child represents something that requires great care and attention." Yes, that was given to my baby - a lot. "The meaning is at issue regarding whether or not it is your original responsibility or one that has been passed off on you by someone else." The latter. Airplane: (I don't much like flying at all.) "Being a passenger on a plane. This dream can be mundane or remarkable, since some people are ambivalent toward flying while many others hold an irrational fear of flying." Okay ... I'm not scared flying, I just don't like to fly. I'd rather drive, yes I would. "In America, it is a well-known fact among football fans that announcer John Madden never flies - he travels around the country by bus." Huh ... I never knew that. "Many people share his aversion, even those who dream of flying. In this case, it is an attempt by one part of the psyche to quell perceived irrationality in another part." Okay ... "Dreams about flying as a passenger may hold a great sense of adventure for the dreamer." Eh, not really, I didn't exactly want to go anywhere. "This can be due to the journey, the speed, or the destinations available through air travel. Also, it may be due to potential dangers, such as hijacking, which the dreamer may heroically overcome." Uhm, no ... it was just a plane ride. Guess it didn't hold any sort of significance. So I looked up travel. Travel: "When traveling in a dream, companionship, purpose, and obstacles are central interceptive questions to ask. Companionship may include known relationships or strangers. Generally, the companionship either helps or hinders progress toward the dream goal." I ... don't really remember what the goal of my dream was. "The effect of your companions on your travel should be interpreted metaphorically as a symbol of that person's impact on your life. If you are traveling alone, with only occasional assistance, that too may be a picture of how you experience personal growth and progress through life." Analyzation time. So what we're saying here is that, by people shunning my choice to raise a child that was not only not mine, but of a race that is hated, that is like a metaphor of how I see the world - that people don't approve of my choices, or what makes me happy, but that some try to accept them - and then some try to take them from me? Is that what it's saying? Continuing with travel: I didn't know where I was going, just that I had to go there. This is what the directory has to say about that. "Dreams of this nature often reveal a particular feeling about direction in life. If there doesn't seem to be a point or a destination in a travel dream, you should consider the possible desire to vacate your current locale for a time. If the destination is clearly defined, then determining what the destiny may mean to you is a good step to take." So ... I should pursue my want to become a live performer? Seeing as how I ended up in an auditorium? And a father as well? I want to ... I want to perform on stage so badly. I want to teach, too, but I want to be on stage - I want to have concerts; I want to do plays and musicals on Broadway. But I also want to be a father. Ah ... I think my biological clock is ticking. Or is that just a woman thing? In any case, I'm not prepared yet to be a professional stage-artist or a father. Maybe someday. Or maybe I just had this dream because of that Developmental Psych class last night - because we watched a video with a lot of infants on it and ... well, actually ... we've watched lots of videos with babies on them and I haven't had a dream like that before. Ah ... well ... I think this entry has been long enough. Probably just a lot of rambling about nothing. Blessed be.

Which RENT character are you?
	You're TOM COLLINS, an ex-professor of philosophy at MIT with AIDS, expelled for your unique and unorthodox opinions on the world around us. You're an activist, always trying to raise awareness for AIDS and HIV. When you fall in love with someone, you really go all out; though you may not have much financial support, you let your lover know they're wanted. Probably the most intelligent of your circle of friends, you use to your wits to help the your codependents out in any way possible.
Quiz created by Moo & Manda. Coded by Jeff.

"No other road, no other way ... No day but today ..."