Three entries in one day ... Just like old times, huh? Where do I begin? How can I begin? Dreams, yes. My confusing, depressing, and erotic dreams. So … yeah … Mature Audiences Only! These happened in flashes – I woke up a lot. They were like memories. So many memory dreams lately. I always feel a little uneasy about writing about such sexual situations, but for some reason, a part of me feels it is important to tell. I had a dream a while ago about a blond woman in a tight bun who, when I was 14 or so in dreams, rescued me from a crystal sarcophagus and locked me in a dark room … and wouldn’t let me out, when I so desperately felt I needed to go out … like I had been trapped in that crystal a long, long, long time. And now, in this dream, I was in that same, very dark but very white room – fourteen again. Fourteen. I just felt fourteen. The windows were cloudy – daylight, but cloudy, and that was the only lighti n the room. Everything had a grayish-blue tint because of that light. And I was at this Bay window, sitting on the sill, hugging my knees – all I could see out this window was sky – grey clouds … that was all, no ground, no trees – just sky. I was wearing white pajamas and felt ill. Confined, caged, but more depressed than anything is what I felt. I had memories in that dream of a previous one, when I had begged and begged the blond woman to let me out – and she never did – this was playing in my mind, the times she would come in now and I would not say a word, just try my best to ignore her. The room was just so cold. So cold … Time after time, that blonde would enter, try to get my attention, but I would just watch her reflection in the window. When she would leave, I would force the tears to stay down. Now … another time she came in, only this time she brought a young woman – about 20 – with long, beautiful black hair. She thought that, because of who this new woman was, she might be able to satisfy my needs – like a caretaker/nanny/governess/friend – something like that. I don’t know. But this new woman was to spend the entire day, every day, with me until I could return to functioning on my own. (I kept thinking this new girl was Townsgirl. That’s who I felt this was – so I’m pretty sure that it was her – so let’s call her that.) the blonde said something about how I wouldn’t remember, but I knew the new woman from childhood. I don’t remember much of my dream childhood … She left, and Townsgirl approached me. She seemed like she was in awe, or wonder. She said it had taken her so long to find me again. She said that she could tell that I had started to recede into my own mind, and that she was there to stimulate me again. I finally looked at her and gave her a small, pathetic smile, then closed my eyes and leaned my head against the cold glass. I felt so distant then; I don’t think I acknowledged her much. Another flash – it was the next day, and I was still feeling cold and empty – ill. And Townsgirl had me sitting at a table, playing chess. I was just hugging my knees, staring at my black pieces as she moved her cream ones. I didn’t have to physically move – my chess pieces all moved on their own when I thought of it. I think she could tell that my heart wasn’t in the game … I wasn’t really making any strategic moves, just moving the pieces. No real goal was established. After a little while, she just sat back and sighed, staring at me … and started to put the pieces away. “I know you want to go out,” she said, “but regardless of what she says, it’s raining.” “That is the best time,” I whispered back. And that simple whisper just made her smile so brightly – it was a contagious smile – I even made one of my own. “So he does talk. Wonderful!” And I cried. Right then. I just cried, burying my face in my arms. I just kept whispering, over and over, gasping for breath, “Please … let me out … please? Please, let me out …” She held me then, close to her. She kept whispering “soon.” Another flash. This one went by so fast. Townsgirl and I were sitting on this sofa in my cold white room, and I had a white blanket tucked around me, my head on her lap, as she was reading to me – it was something about Jesus making birds out of clay … next thing I know, the blonde storms into my room and starts yelling at Townsgirl as she rips me off of her. The blonde is furious – something about me not eating. Townsgirl keeps telling her that she can’t force me to eat. But I can tell that the blonde is just getting more and more furious – more so at the fact that Townsgirl was becoming closer to me than she was. Her hands started to form this white, flame-like aura, and she was bringing them down to strike Townsgirl to grab her and punish her, cause her pain – but I shot my arms up instead, and she grabbed my right forearm – and it BURNED! Oh, how terribly it burned! I screamed, cried out – then she let go, wide-eyed, sorry – and I flew behind the sofa as Townsgirl ran out of the room. I started rocking back and forth, my arm was burned, blistered, hot – I just rocked, and rocked, cradling it to me … And then I felt the blond woman grab my hair and pull – Another flash. It’s several nights later. I’m wearing these … dark grey pants and a white t-shirt – so simple. And my left forearm is bandaged, from the wrist to the elbow. There’s a candelabra on the desk, but its flames are white – not orange or yellow, but white. It’s an eerie glow. And I was sitting on the edge of that white bed, just staring at the candles. I had a memory of the blonde coming in earlier, telling me to sleep – rather agitatedly because it was very late. The moon was a half-moon, and the white glow of that and the stars was beautiful. It must have been three in the morning … and I just kept wishing that I could be out there. The door opens – closes – I look. It’s Townsgirl – in a beautiful, white nightgown. I smile; I genuinely smile, and stretch out my arms to her. She comes to me, wrapping her arms around me, and kissing my cheek as she lays on top of me, pushing me gently into the mattress. I was a bit shocked at this, but then, I wasn’t – it felt … right. And then she kissed me on the mouth. I found myself kissing back. She sat up then, straddling me, raking her fingers lightly over my chest, and the tips of her hair brushed my neck. I felt completely captivated by her. Entranced. I feel completely hypnotized by her, like I could do everything she wanted and I would be just fine with that. I remember her pulling her nightgown down over her shoulders – exposing them. I think … she knew how much I loved shoulders. She moved her hair, let me sit up, and I immediately pressed my lips to her shoulder and grabbed her upper arms. I heard her moan, arch her back. I was kissing her … and kissing her … now on top of her … and she just kept moaning and moaning. It was so fast, how ready she became, to invite me in. Sometimes, all it took was a touch, a kiss for her to moan and squirm and shudder with pleasure. She pulled me into her … over and over, clawing into my back. Her moans – her moans filled my ears, fueling my desire. She’s started to cry out, loudly – louder, louder – until she cried out one last, long cry and collapsed, panting. She kept gasping “kiss me, kiss me” and “I was your first … kiss me.” I was sucking on her lips and jaw. “So many wanted you … but I’m your first … ohhh, Kolibri … Kolibri … kiss me … Kolibri …” She kept whispering that … over and over … Another flash – a different night. Again – making love with her again. She was on top this time, her nightgown had fallen down to her waist, her breasts exposed. I just kept kissing her collar bones … and she kept … moaning … Another flash – making love again, in the shower … her hair wet, matted against her face. Her legs around me … Another flash – making love again, this time at that great bay window, her back pressed against the glass … Another flash – making love in the bed again, beneath the cool sheets … her kissing the bandage on my arm … Another flash … The blond woman was back, daytime, and Townsgirl was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. She’d been reading to me from a book – a nursery Rhyme called “Who Killed Cock Robin?” The blonde was talking to me, but as usual, I was ignoring her, staring out the window I was sitting at. This was making her angry. She yelled my name at me and I winced, tapping the window – as to tell her, yet again, that I wanted out. She screams at Townsgirl to get out as she grabs me. Townsgirl hesitates, but then the blonde shot out her hand and Townsgirl just flew out the door – like a ragdoll, just flew, and the door slammed. The blonde was fuming, grabbing my arm, just above my wrist, so painfully. I was starting to scream in pain as she threw me on the bed. She pulled a stiletto knife out of her hair, and the bun fell – she had such long, blond hair. She used that knife to cut into the underside of my left forearm, straddling me. She was sucking at the blood. She just kept cutting at me, my arms, my chest, licking at the blood. And I kept screaming … Screaming, screaming … She went for my pants, and I just kept screaming – I knew she was going to force me. I begged her, begged her to stop – but she ripped down my pants. I woke up. I couldn’t go back to sleep after that … I felt like ice, sweating under my covers … sore … I immediately turned on the lights … checking for cuts …