Mood: I'd rather not talk about it. Music: "Human Behavior" - Bjork There is definitely, definitely, definitely no logic ... Dream Entry. Still sick. May still be choppy. I'm sure that future entries will be a little more intellegent ... but lately they've just been dream entries - which was really why I started this journal in the first place - to, you know, get opinions and interpretations from other people. And for the occasional sociopolitical comment ... First dream: First dream that I can remember ... was very simple. It seemed long for such a simple dream. I can't tell if I'm on a boat or in a camper/Winnebego - but I'm lying across this cushioned seat thing, my head is on Evan's lap, and we're moving - orthe boat/camper is anyway ... going somewhere. I'm lying on my side with my head in his lap, and his coat is draped over me. He's stroking my hair and neck. Over and over. And music is playing, Linkin Park's "Somewhere I Belong" is coming from ... somewhere. Probably the radio. And that's all this dream is, just me lying there, with that song playing. This was a good dream for me. I felt a little cold, but not as nerve-racked as I had been in more recent dreams. It held sort of a calm air about it. I wanted to go back to that dream, but I woke up because of my brother coming in late from work, and I couldn't go back to sleep for a while after that. Second Dream: I'm with three other people. One is Evan, another is Randi, and I can't remember who the other one was - could have been Vonna/Dolly in one of her many faces. I don't know. It's cloudy, and the ground is muddy, soaked, sloshy like it had been raining for days - but it's not raining now. I feels like ... English/March weather. Just really cool, cloudy, and wet. We're running across this field or yard or something and I'm in front, everyone's behind me. And I'm buttoning my coat as I'm running, because I'm cold, and I can feel the bottom hem against my legs, and it's heavy because it's wet too. Randi's yelling my name repeatedly, telling me something - I don't know what. I think she's telling me that I don't need to be running - I think I'm still hurt, but I can't feel anything, just cold and wet. I can hear Evan yelling back at Randi, I think he said something like "don't bother him" or "he knows what he's doing" or something like that. I come to pavement, a parking lot maybe, could just be an empty lot, and there's this van there, older-looking - I just grab the door on the driver's side and open it and get it, slam it closed. All of the others jump in as suddenly I just start driving, flooring it - it's like the engine had just come on with a thought. And I floor the accelerator. I can still smell the burning rubber. And the side door is still open from that unidentified fourth person jumping in. But I don't really care, though I can hear Evan telling someone to close it. And I can feel that I have this look of complete determination and concentration on my face. I can feel it. I'm zoned. I don't really care what's going on around me, I'm just driving down this straight gravel country road - for a while, I remember, just going FAST. And the people around me are in their seats, I can feel them in their seats, and they're all quiet - and I can hear the engine - it sounds like one of those LOUD National Guard trucks, you know? And then I take one hand off the wheel and try to fasten my seatbelt. And I can hear Randi laughing at that. I feel Evan fasten it for me, then hear him say something to Randi - but by this time, both hands are on the wheel again and I am zoned. Just watching the road - with the occasional darting eyes from left to right, mirrors, etc - you know, driver stuff. It's starting to get dark, and I hear Randi say "Hey, Seth? Can we pull over? I'm hungry." And I just keep driving. She reaches over to touch me, because I didn't respond to her at all. I hear her say "Seth? Hey, Seth?" And I hear Evan yell at her "DON'T TOUCH HIM!" But she touches me, and she gets shocked - not just static, but majorly jolted, and goes flying back into her seat with a "YOW!" And I flinch. My steering wavers for a really brief moment, but I readjust myself and I start to go a little slower, because now I'm just being cautious. I sigh. I wake up. Dreams happen between this and my last dream - but I can't remember them either. Last Dream: I'm in a very comfortable, intimate classroom. The students sit in comfortable chairs at comfortable desks. The carpet is grey. It's cloudy outside and half the fluorescent lights are off for some reason, I don't know why. But do I need to go into my whole spiel about fluorescent lights? I hope not. I'm cold. And the kids in this room look to be in about second or third grade. They're all working on these papers or projects or something ... and apparently I'm the one teaching this class. I don't know what it is I'm teaching, but it must be something important because there's this older - maybe 30's - heavy-set blond woman there that keeps telling me to hurry up. I keep telling her that children need to learn at their own pace. Eventually, I have to go out into the hall to talk to her because I don't want the kids to see us fighting. And she starts yelling at me about something - starts to invade my personal space. I don't know what she's mad about - I can't remember. She puts her hands on me and I try to get away and she starts shaking me. And then I just fucking HIT her. I mean, I smash my palm into this woman's chest then uppercut her and shove her onto the ground. I tell her to not touch me, ever again. ((I just want to take this opportunity to say, where as I am a weak thing - I'm prone to being passive. And while I am against hitting women and children - if I am attacked, unless it's a child, regardless of who is attacking me, I WILL fucking fight back. I don't care what gender you are. If you're hurting me, I'll fight back.)) She growls at me and I tell her to leave. And she just stares at me the whole time she's backing down the hall - and I turn and go back into the classroom with a smile for the children. And that's all I remember. Uhm ... yeah ... that's it. Blessed be.