Just ... another day. Went to the family gathering at my grandparents' (mother's side) house. Most everyone was there. Yet again, I was shunned - for being the outcast of the family. "There's one in every family" - you hear that quite often, but ... it hits you hard when you realize that you're that one. The Pagan, the only relative without a spouse or "significant other," the "alternative lifestyle" relative, the strange relative, the quiet one in the corner that no one wants to talk to because he's just too "weird." Even the kid there didn't talk to me. I think his name was Brandon. I don't know, I don't really keep up with my cousins anymore, there's so many of them. At least I got to have some deviled eggs ... I like those. David says I eat them like candy. And yes, I do, but it's healthy candy. Full of protein. Yeah, that was about the only good thing of the evening - I spent a majority of it hiding under my old bed and napping. I doubt anyone even mentioned me while I was gone - or maybe they noticed that I was and just didn't give a shit. It's over now, though. And I don't really know why I am talking about this - don't know why I'm writing an entry. I ... had a lot of dreams. I kept waking up with a pounding heart - like I'd been startled awake with a scream, but didn't scream. The impending doom feeling. But ... I don't really want to talk about my dreams right now, just that they felt like memories ... like the one I had yesterday ... with my dream father, it felt like a memory. I think I'm done talking for now. I don't feel much like writing an entry. Don't even know why I decided to write one in the first place. Oh ... And I love my lovely. Very muchly. And I miss her ... very muchly. Sometimes ... I wonder ... when I die, will I have someone to share a cemetery plot with me? And if I die before her ... will she remarry? And if she does remarry, would she still share that cemetery plot with me? Or her new husband? Would even my bones be alone for all eternity? ... this is the kind of thing that goes through my head ... when I'm alone.